Nick's Thoughts

It's going to be a Fan-Fuckin-tastic Day

2006-03-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

Woke up today and had the best fuckin coffee, Gevalia. Brought back memories of late nighters up till the ass crack of dawn studying for exams. I'm ready for whateva the day brings. BRING IT ON BITCHS!!

The last of the BDAY pics.....WOW

2006-03-21T17:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I just got the last of all the pictures from my birthday. How I made it alive I'm not sure but I'm glad I did. What a great time of binge drinking with friends.

Post Birthday

2006-03-09T02:56:00.000-07:00

So to fill you in on the DBAY activities, I can sum it up by saying FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! Started the day out by going to a baseball game with Brian, Amanda, Teresa and I. (Thanks mom for the season Tickets) We drank 40's headed over to the game, drank fantastic cold beer while watching Mexico kick the DBacks asses all over the park. I know that I shouldn't be happy, but fuck, my DBacks were awful. I'll excuse them cause it was a double header and I'm sure they were just exhausted. Luckily, they beat the White Sox in the first game. Then we headed home and I showered up and had dinner with a friend that came down from P-Town. By the time I got home the house was full of all my friends and decorated by none other then Jose. Thanks buddy......FYI, having decorated with Care Bears, wasn't embarrassed even with my brother and cousin there. HAHAHA! But cute decorations! It falls short of my New Years collaboration party. At 1 we headed to The Shanty where I drank esppresso infused vodka on the rocks. YUM!!! Came back to the house in the 10 car caravan that it took to take us all and around 4am, called it a night. I actually fell asleep like at 7am cause a great friend of mine gave me a fabulous gift. All in all, the perfect birthday party. I would like to thank all those who participated and help coordinate the evening. You all did a wonderful job. Ill be posting the pictures as I get them.

I'm turning 27

2006-02-23T13:11:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I do feel older. I think 27 is coming at me with full force. Which I don't know how I feel about that. I mean I never really cared about my age and I've always been the one looking forward to my BDays and to have a kick ass time. But this year......not so much. And it's not really about the age either. I just feel like I'm 27. There are good and bad things about it. I mean with maturity comes the lack of doing STUPID shit which I have been doing for the past 2 months. I mean, I have been going out to much, drinking to much, skiing to much, spending money I don't have. I got caught speeding a little excessively in Phoenix last month too. That really was the kicker that I needed. Last night at the bar I meet a cop that was drunk off his ass that wanted to have me take him home, have sex with him and he only wanted to do it drunk. Of course I said no cause I didn't want to be that guy who took advantage of a drunk. But we were talking HOT cop that wanted to try gay sex. And here I am telling him no cause that's not how he should do it, he should be a little sober so he can remember and decide if that's what he wants to do. ME GIVING OUT MATURE ADVICE!!! WOW!!!! Just all signs that I'm getting old, older that is. And, I don't seem to want to go out and whore it up anymore. For example, I'm seeing my best friend go and whore himself out and I'm like, "good for him", I just think I lost the need for that. All signs I'm getting older. Or maybe I'm in a rut. Just in a slump. Who knows. I just know that I'm different. And not like ride the short bus to school different either. LOL.....I'm sure you all got a good laugh from that.

Life

2005-12-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

What the hell has happened the past 16 years??? I just saw pictures of my sister's formal in high school. HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!! When did she grow up to be such a lady????? I could have sworn she was still in diapers and walking around falling in her ass cause she still is learning to walk. FUCK!!!!!! Well I guess she had to grow up eventually. WOW?! Check her out for those of you that remember her from years ago. My BABY SISTER!

http://www.myspace.com/kristenandrea

Other than that.....life's been good. Working my ass off......I did the incredible 71 hours this week at work and 21 of them were from this past Friday. I went on road with a driver and helped a driver in need to get all those Christmas presents out to everyone. I hope those family in Continental Ranch enjoy our hard work.

2005-11-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been forever since I've written anything here. I used to be able to type away and now I just don't know what to put on here anymore. Or maybe my life is getting to routine. Work Mon-Fri and go out Fri and Sat. Hmmmmm........who knows.

Well, as soon as something noteworthy comes along, I'll make sure to let everyone know. Till there, catch me on my phone or online.

What a summer

2005-07-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

So I'm at home being lazy. Don't really have anything to do. But I guess my laziness can be from going out last night and getting shitty for one of my best friend's BDay. And skipping work the next morning.

This summer I have done nothing but spend money I don't have and try my hardest to stop doing it. It's amazing the shit I feel that I need to have. DON'T ASK......I don't anymore.

Well, for those of you that I haven't told, I think I'm going to live. My heart doctor said that I will be ok, he just needs to find out why my heart is acting weird. Maybe it's been broken to many times and it's rebelling against the idea of getting attached to anyone again. Who knows.

Amanda and I had a conversation about that issue too. It's been a year since I've dated anyone and I haven't found anyone since then. Why???? I think that I'm a great guy. Maybe I'm not. As I told Amanda, I can't seen to keep a relationship going, could there be something wrong with me? After all, the guys that I have dated were great. Well, the unmedicated ones were. But it's kinda scary to think that I may be the one who is fucked up. This is going to be the fist summer in awhile that I have been boyfriend-less. I should just face the fact that I'm not the right guy for anyone in this crappy town and leave. I've been wanting to leave to Phx for while. Just for a change. I know its not the best city to move to, but its a great place to be for a little while. And with UPS, I can enroll in school there and get transferred. I've been trying to drop hints to Brian about that now that he works for UPS too, but for some reason, he'd rather stay in Tucson. Eeeekkk!!!! Hell, at this point I'd just like to move anywhere and meet some new faces for dating.

Hello again

2005-06-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Well.......what can I say, I've been slacking on posting anything of interest to say. Honestly, nothing that great or worthwhile has happened that I think you would really care to read about. Mostly I've been working......either at UPS or at Applebee's. It looks like I'll be quitting Applebee's after my trip from Chicago and focusing on Mi Casa. We'll see how that works out. Maybe I won't jump the gun to quick. Other then that......I have Brian's surprise BDay weekend that I'm planning on.

Hello again

2005-05-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

Well, its been a month since I have written anything. Honestly, nothing much has happened. I've been working at UPS and Applebee's. Starting to make some cash and coming out of the financial mess that I made. Hans was in town this weekend and I spent it with him and Brian. The 3 amigos. LOL Saw a bunch of the old crew out this weekend too. I really miss seeing all of them. I've been so wrapped up in my life that I haven't really made anytime to just see the ones that I have missed over the last few months. I'm going to San Carlos with Chiara, Trevor and hopefully Brian this month. I think its a trip we could all use. Just relax and enjoy a stress free weekend. Plus I get to spend some quality time with Brian. yeaaahhh.....I still have those feelings. I can't help it. Just how I feel. But when you love someone you just spend the time you have with them and enjoy it. Well, its nap time. I need to rest from a CRAZY ass weekend. BTW, I went to my first Jello Wresting contest. Was awesome!

I closed the weekend well

2005-04-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

I had probably the best 3 day weekend ever. I played hookie from work Friday and went to the Diamondbacks and Red Sox game up at Bank One with Brian. We had a blast. Had lunch at Hamburger Mary's and then over to the game. After that we headed back to Han's new apartment and started getting dressed for a night out. Needless to say that we were well tanked at this point and only headed out for more. Stopped at BS in Scottsdale and met my friend DJ there. Then we headed down to Amsterdam were we met some guy that was from NYC and bought us some drinks. The only downfall to the entire evening was that in a drunken stupor I failed to roll up my back windows to my car and someone decided to reach in and grab my daytimer and digital camera. SUCKS!!! In Paradise Valley and I'm robbed!!!!! I have left my windows down in Tempe before and NADA! But what can you do??? Another drunken mistake that I have made and will have to learn from. UGH! After heading back home Friday afternoon I came home and dropped Brian off. What should have been a calm day turned into pool and drink at the French Quarter and then to IBT's with Chris. From what I was told because the night was kinda hazy I was talking to some guy that was buying me drinks and met someone that I haven't seen in like almost 2 years. Needless to say I was a little friendly with him and he had to take me home, THANKFULLY Chris had my car. Saturday afternoon was great. Sat by the pool all day and drank bloody mary's. Then at about 5 o'clock decided that Chris and I wanted to go to Phx we headed home and showered packed up and left. We hit some shitty traffic on Chandler that we waiting for like an hour to get through so we went straight to the bar to me Hans. We did the tour of gay life last night. Started at Charlie's, then to Roscos, Padlock, Nu Town, back to Roscos then to Charlie's. We met some guys there, talked, had a good time. I never realized what an actual gay community is like. A choice of bars, restaurants, and shit to do besides the normal 4th Ave. I guess I'll just have to wait till I can leave this town and go ANYWHERE that has stuff to do. Where to, San Diego, LA, Chicago or Phx. I just don't know. Now it's back to the grind of work and soon more work since I just took a second job waiting tables at Applebee's. I'm waiter AGAIN! WTF??? HaHa!!

By the way, I was highly disappointed at the fact that there was a LACK of good looking men there. Are you kidding me??????

What a month

2005-03-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

Well March is finally coming to an end and THANK GOD! After the visit from the girls, Mike's BDay which was a GRAND TIME, spring break and Spring training I'm exhausted. And, about 5lbs heavier. So with a grand finale of the month, I'm going to the Red Sox vs. Diamondbacks game in Phx Thursday. After that, it's time to get another job to keep me occupied and cut back on the drinking. This boy needs to lose about 5lbs and get back into shape. :-)

My Happy Ending

2005-03-21T15:14:00.000-07:00

Avril Lavigne
My Happy Ending

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

A great ending to a slow spring break

2005-03-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

Well my spring break was blah....but I did watch baseball games on the weekend and get tomorrow off. So I'll be out tonight! WOOHOO!!!!!

Grab your skates, hell just froze over.

2005-03-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

So it's Saturday night and I'm here at home. Yes, at 11:21p.m. To make things even more shocking.....I'm not getting dressed to go out. I'm just here sitting and watching TV. So as everyone falls over out of shock......It's the end of an era. Nick is staying home and actually getting ready for bed. ALONE.....SOBER!! WOW!!! :-)

Other then that.....this weekend has been good. I've watched two great games at TEP......Saw the White Sox beat the Padres and then the DBacks play a KICK ass game and shmear the Padres. By the way, the seat and the suite were SWEET!!!!! :-)

night all!

Spring is here....

2005-03-10T20:49:00.000-07:00

It's days like this that I LOVE!! Mid 80's warm. Time to lay out and watch baseball and have a few beers. It was so warm outside that I recalled a great summer day that it was Rupa, Kenn, Brian and I at the pool just kickin' it with a case of Bud Light and a warm pool to be in. DAMN! I miss those days! COME ON SUMMER!!!!! I'm waitin'!!!!

I an do without the allergies! That part I hate.

Happy Birthday to me.........

2005-03-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

Well once again I had a blast this weekend. Thanks to all my friends that made my BDay an awesome one. You guys are great! And thanks to my parents who helped put together a great BBQ at my house. My first really party here. :-) It was a good time had by all. I have spent all day just laying around trying to get myself together for the coming week. YUCK!!! Back to the grind of UPS. God I hate Sunday/Monday's. Oh well....

I'll post pictures later this week. :-D

Correction: Mike.........thanks for setting up the dinner and :-*

It's finally here.....

2005-03-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm entering the realm of turning 26. As of Friday at 10:00 all hell is breaking loose and I'm going forward "full steam ahead!" I'm a little nervous because like most birthdays I pick the place I wanna go and where I wanna eat and stuff. After my trip to Phx was postponed I left it to the party planners of the group to figure out what the festivities are going to be. Jose, Mike, Shawn and Brian are all in on planning it. So FYI....get a hold of each other. I know you all have your guy's numbers. Ekkkk!!!! Make sure that Chris knows and Darren too!

Saturday is going to be spend working in the a.m. with Brian then BBQ with the family at my house at around 4. Parents are supplying the BBQ grill and main course. Followed by a few choice drinks at the bar. Even though I'm turning 26, I still get my POWER HOUR at midnight!!!!! I've done it since I was 18 and I'm NOT breaking tradition!

So wish me luck and I'll let you know how it goes Sunday night. Akkk!!

No matter how hard we look, do we ever see ourselves clearly?

2005-02-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

So I'm on this Sex and the City kick again and I'm in season 4 (skipping season 1 because is it was lame) and I'm realizing that you could learn a lot from this show. When SATC was the "IN" show to watch I hated it. Everyone in my house loved it up to my dad! All I could say was OMG...this is lame. A bunch of horny and slutty women in NYC getting it on. But as I have developed a pallet for this show I'm realizing that it's actually a great guide book for all single women and gay men in the world. In my circle of friends I have the "Charlotte", the "Miranda", "Carrie", "Samantha", "Aiden", "Big" and "Steve". It's amazing, the writers seem to have caught the essence of what a true group of friends have as far as dynamics and separated them into individual characters for us to see. I mean all my friends have all the qualities of all 4 women in them. For example, I have had the part of Carrie where I have been truly in love with someone that is not compatible with me or is unattainable for many reason. I have and was going through the Samantha phase, I can be stubborn and critical as Miranda and have the desire to hold on to tradition as Charlotte. But that can be said about many of my close friends. They all have taken the character of each at some point in time.

As I watched the wedding of Charlotte and I sat there and realized that I may never have that. I don't mean the traditional wedding with husband and wife but that one person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Someone to call your own. So I shed a little tear in realization that I have lost the one that I thought was "the one" and have had a failed relationship since. As I told Shawn how I was feeling he kicked me in the ass and said that "We are single and fabulous!! Deal!" And he was right. I am......single and fabulous!! We all are. I sat there and analyzed the chemistry of my close friends. Guy friends.......Jose, Kenn, Mike, Shawn, Hans and Brian.......they are the ones that I feel close enough to tell anything to. If needed "WE" are our sholders to lean on. Jose knows me like I know the back of my hand. He can finish my thoughts and knows how my conversations are going to end. And he as proved it lately too!! It's funny....I don't need to tell him what I am thinking for him to know. He just know my routine. So after feeling a little better after Shawn's jolt of reality, I went on.

Now as I kept watching TV the next subject was "the one". The most sought after imagine in any relationship. The one thing that after the initial dating starts that goes through almost anyone head. "Is he the one?" A conversation that I had just last night with Jose. I asked him to analyze what he thought of Korre. Apparently he thought a little differently then I had. To say the least.......he made me realize that the pedal stool that I have so hard to keep Korre on isn't as strong as I thought. Not that he had anything horrible to say but more just as an incite that I hadn't either chosen not to see or had over looked in him. But I guess what I can say is, what I felt coming from Korre is what I need to look in a guy in order to start a good foundation in any relationship. Since my break up with him I have spend a majority of time thinking and comparing others to him in hopes that I can find him in others and I haven't. Maybe that's where I have gone wrong all this time. I can't hope to find Korre in any guy that I meet and most likely I won't. But what I did like about Korre is what I should want in the guys in my future. Also, Jose made me realize that there isn't just"ONE". There are many people in this world that are more the qualified to have a healthy and steady relationship with. It's a game of compromise. What can you live without and what must you have. In terms that I can understand it's much like buying a car. There is the initial test drive. Sometimes many, sometimes one. Then the purchase process......you can walk into any dealership and order what you want exactly......but you can wait week, months or even years depending on the demand and the availability of your perfect purchase. Or you can see what is on the lot and find something that is close to your needs and adjust to the differences. Who knows...maybe what you didn't realize you wanted you end up having or what you must have you realized you can live without and are glad you didn't get.

I guess all these thoughts come from the idea that I am turning 26. I'm no longer a kid or young adult. I am an adult. As you grow up you can't wait to turn 13.....you are a teenager......then you wait to 18.....your officially responsible for yourself and if needed you can leave the grasp of your parents. Then 21.....offically able to drink it up and enjoy college without the fear of getting busted with beer. After that there are few landmark ages. 25 is a significant year in the sense that you are older and it's 25, a quarter of a century old. After that you wait till your 30, 35, 40 and so on. There is nothing special about 26. It's a number. And one that I seem to be spending alone. I for the most part have never needed someone to be there. Independence ha almost been a crutch at times to get me what I want without the help of others. At 26......should I be so independent? Or, should I be in the realm of having someone to come home to? That special person. The last 2 relationships have been important ones. I've learned a lot. They seem to be the ones that have hit me the hardest. They have made me think and grow as a person. Will the next relationship be a learning one? And if so, what is there left to learn?

True friends never lose touch despite distance

2005-02-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was just AMAZING!!!! Expensive, fulfilling and full of laughter. My 2 best girl friends from college decided a month ago that they were going to come to town and hang out with me. Which means, repeat what we did while we all lived here. This consisted of going out to eat, come home, drink, get dressed and head out to the bars. And that we did. But you know that you are great friends when you pick up right where you left off. It's like these chicks never left. We ran up to each other at the airport and hugged each other till we made up for the year and a half to two years that we had not seen each other. It was amazing!!! We packed up the car and immediately began filling each other up with stories of drunken nights that we missed of each other, boys that we have dated and flinged with, family drama and they ever so popular "Do you remember when......." stories. The entire drive home was filled with laughter and smokes! After reading that the weather was going to be crappy for someone coming from a snowy climate the sun was out as we drove over to the house to unwind. I immediately began calling the gang and informing them that the 2 most important girls in my life from the present past were in town and it was time to make plans to all met up and introduce. When we got home we dumped the luggage and headed for our traditional Bison Witches half and half lunch special. It hit the spot!!! Then we came back home and sat on the couch and took a few cat naps to prepare us for the night and long weekend ahead. Once we decided to have dinner at Bamboo Club we headed to the mall to see what might catch our eyes to wear out to the "Welcome Back to Tucson Night". The girls as usual found racks and racks of clothes and made a few select purchases. Then back to the house again to start dolling ourselves up for the night ahead and have a few choice drinks of our classic beverage Vox and tonics. After dinner we headed over to Plush for a quick drink and then to Malloney's for drinks and dancing. And boy did we do that........the girls were ripped shitty by midnight and then we headed over to IBT's to introduce them of the place I spend more drunken nights in the past few years. We danced, made friends and then I sent the drunk girlies home as I finished off the night with shaking my ass on the floor with my "VT" (Vodka Tonic for those that don't know my signature drink. The guys came back to the house and we hung out and sobered up while the girls slept away the jet lag and liquor that they had just consumed since coming back to T-Town.

Saturday we got up late and dressed quickly and headed over to campus for Starbucks and then cruise the bookstore to see what cool things the girls needed from the UofA. Afterwards we headed back to the mall to see if I could find myself anything cool to wear on our second night. I SURE DID! A pair of shoes and a sweet BCBG dress shirt! I was a stud that night. A shirt and tie and new shoes! Then we headed over to Sakura to saki and eat food! This actually ended up being the cheapest dinner because they gave a 30% discount because they made us wait over an hour for reservation! We drank we ate we sakied the night away.........then we headed over tot the house to drop Shana off because she was feelin' a bit under the weather and we headed over the da' bar were we met up with Brit Nick, Jose and Derrick on their way out. So we made our entrance and danced and drank the night away!

Can you believe it...........Sunday we were on a roll again. By now I've pretty much over the drinking part and am slowing giving up. But as told by my 2 lady friends that THAT, was not an option! Can you believe that......these are my friends.....HAHA! So we met Mike and Shawn at Frog N' Firkin for lunch, made fun of all the goofy kids walking by (which was a show in itself from Shawn) and then made a quick trip into Urban Outfitters to see what cool new threads they had there. Then we had ice cream from Penguins which haven't had since I was in high school ran into some people that we knew from back in the day and then to my house to watch Napoleon Dynamite. Which......even though Kelly and Shawn were quoting the movie ALL WEEKEND LONG.........(NO JOKE) the movie had it's funny moments but it wasn't a gut ripper by any means. But I watched it anyways and had a nice laugh. At this point someone mentions that it's time to have dinner and our last drink of the mini vacation. So we ate at Rosa's and went to the Nugget to have 1 drink. It was this point that I was saying to myself, I need to get out of here because I'm going to have a repeat of Sunday prior so I had Mike drop my ass off at home and I left the girls with my car to stay out late. I kinda wish I had stayed because they hit up the Buffet and ran into Kelly's ex boyfriends cousin that works there. Which means that they didn't have to pay for any drinks and they would have been strong ass ones too!!!!! But the girls came rollin' in at 2:30 laughing and jumped on me telling me how much fun they had and how they don't wanna leave and it was a little sad.

Believe it or not I actually made it through work Monday morning and came home to see the girls giggling about this weekends adventures. So I jumped in the middle of the two and we talked about how much fun this trip had been. As they were getting dressed for the flight home I printed out the pics from our nights out, which I will post here and we had lunch at Pei Wei's. Gassed up the Audi and headed to the TIA for a tear jerker of a departure. Awwwww........this is what sucks about college is making all these really cool friends and knowing that your time together is limited because at some point your gunna graduate and move elsewhere. YUCK!!!

But it was a fantastic weekend and a time that was well needed!!! I am still exhausted from this visit from Baltimore and Milwaukee!!!! Ahhh....memories!!!!! Weekend Pics

The weekend is finally here

2005-02-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

So it's pretty much Friday. I'm glad, after this week of being sick I'm glad that this weekend is finally upon us. My 2 good friends are going to be here till Monday and I get to spend the ENTIRE weekend with my girls that I haven't seen in almost 2 years. I'll let you know how the weekend goes. They are dieing to see old friends and met the new ones.

Being sick

2005-02-16T06:31:00.000-07:00

Nothing is more horrible then being sick for days in a row. What started as a massive hangover and potential alcohol poisoning has ended up being a stomach flu and the shits! After drinking more then any human should consume in a 24 hour period I was sick all day Monday. Crapping and puking all day. Compounded with aches and pains and a slight fever. I made it to work on time Tuesday and went in early to get any work done that I didn't do the day prior. Even this day I wasn't feeling to hot. I was still achy and sore and still crapping way to much. So I make a quick trip to Walgreen's and felt a little better. Came home and slept till late afternoon. I woke up feeling good and was able to eat my first complete meal since Sunday.

Well as you have probably noticed is that it's 6:15 in the morning and I am blogging. How you may ask?? Well, I had the most horrific stomach cramps and bloating. I thought that my stomach was going to rip open. So when my boss saw me sitting in the office with my head in my legs he knew I was not doing good. So he sent me home. So now I am here sitting on the sofa wide awake and watching the morning news. I have taken some meds and hopefully I will start to feel better within the hour. I can be sick and I can be hungover, but I can't stand my stomach having issues EVER! That is something I can't handle. If these cramps are what it is like having a period, I'm thanking the LORD that I am NOT a woman! Fuck man, these cramps are horrible.

SHOOT ME!

2005-02-14T17:29:00.000-07:00

I've never felt so sick in all my life!!!!!!! I've been puking all day and trembling and just down right nasty

I am glad that after being the biggest DICK EVER last night my friends are still talking to me. Especially Brian, I was down right mean and outta line.

Boy did I fuck up

2005-02-14T14:32:00.000-07:00

So last night I went out with the guys and made ass of myself. I picked 2 fights with 2 of my friends for no reason and then came home and went back and started another argument with the same friend again. NOT EVEN FUNNY!!! I can't even justify WHY THE HELL I did it other then I was drunk. So needless to say I made an ass of myself.

To add icing to the cake I was late to work and then stayed an hour because I was so sick! Which I still am right now. BLAH!

7 Days

2005-02-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

7 days and 30 mins until my girls come to town and rip Tucson a new one!! Ohhhh the joy!!!! Hopefully I'll be able to introduce them to all my great friends that they haven't had the pleasure of meeting!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Feel free to leave comments! That's what the comment portion is for! HA!

Reflections

2005-02-08T11:58:00.000-07:00

Well I'm sitting here thinking about where I was 4 years ago and I remember a great trip with one of my best friends to a grad city of New Orleans. Oh what a time we had in the Big Easy. I was able to leave the dry state that I lived in called Arizona and for the first time head east to celebrate Mardi Gras.

This lead me to think of what I have done over the past 4 years. Places that I have been, friends that I have made, friends that I have lost and accomplishments made and failed. We all graduate from high school and take on a new chapter of life called college. We set our goals and dreams write them down on a piece of paper that we store in our heads and hope that years from now we can check them off and say, "LOOK WHAT I SAID I WOULD DO!!!" As I took my sheet out and look over the goals that I had set in the past I realize that very few goals are checked off, the list is larger then the original. I see that there are goals scratched out and goal that are edited in. With this old list I see many other pieces of papers stapled to it. It has friend's names on it, lover's names, other friends that I don't see or speak to and even the list that I write down things that I will never do again.

I realize that in life we all veer off our path and take many shortcuts. Some end up being longer then if we had just stayed on the original path and some end up being mistakes that we should have listened to out gut feeling and never made that right. Like Bugs Bunny says, "Was that a right or a left at Albuquerque?"

I imagined myself graduated from school and starting my new job in a new city with the excitement of being on my own for the first time. In reality I'm still here in Tucson and now working for UPS. Something that I never had in mind even 2 years ago. I'm still in college which is something that I wanted to have done in no more then 5 years. Still haven't found someone that I even think that I have a chance of spending an extended period of time with either.

As much as I look back and see theses changes I wonder if they are negative or positive ones. I look back at the past few failed relationships and wonder if what happened should have happened. Take the last one for example. What started out as a casual relationship ended in a small disaster as I allowed my fears to take over my feelings and end it. What would have happened if I had chosen to work on it as he wanted to??? What would have followed that?? Would we still be dating?? Or would we have ended it better. Or, would it have ended worse? Would we have fixed all of out small problems or would they have grow to a more raging fire? It's questions like these that one can never answer. Who knows maybe we would have grow to deal with what we found troublesome and ended up in a meaningful and long standing relationship. Many disagree but I guess when you really care for someone you always try and see the good that they have to offer you even if others don't. Then again, the others are there to try and save you from more heartbreak and sadness. In my last relationship I ended it. But after some time away and a better understanding of that individual I realized that there was more to him then I really had know to begin with. There was depth that I had missed or chosen not to see. He was a person that I felt could possible be someone that is compatible with me. But when I confronted him on this his response was that we should just be friends. I will never know of he would like to taken that chance that I am willing do to. Maybe he was afraid of getting hurt again and can't deal with that. And that I do understand. I've been told by several people that he still cares for me but is just stubborn and I guess it was good to hear that he doesn't hate me as much as I thought he did. But you can't force someone to take a chance. You can only want to take that chance and hope that he is willing to leap with you blindfolded. Everyone says that the word LOVE is over used.....maybe the problem is that its under used and in the wrong context. It is possible to love someone and not know it. Like Carrie Bradshaw said...."When your young your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You can break a bone or a heart, you look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life there is no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?"

In my relationship prior to that, I was dating a guy that I quickly feel in love with. We were both on the same track in life and had come from very similar family backgrounds. What is it with the Catholic boys??? Gotta love them......But anyway we had dated for a very short time and he was to leave to Paris. Something that I had known about in the beginning. We chose to ignore it and and move on anyway. We spent every moment together and when he left we talked for hours on the phone. He had gone home to Chicago and I went out to see him before he left for 2 years to Paris. The week together was one out of a movie. We walked around town sporting the fact that we were dating, we laughed, we even talked about one day raising a family together and how we would chance some of this things that we hated about your parents. At the end he cried to my friends that we met from Milwaukee saying how he couldn't leave but knew that he had to. That he can't change his plans. I never said bye to him as he dropped me off at the airport because I thought that I would see him again. I didn't. While it was hard to only talk to him once a week and go even longer without any clue when I would see him next, our love was still strong. We had talked about him coming home in a year and moving to Chicago or back to Arizona. Or even the possibility of me leaving the states and moving to Paris till he came home. After we broke up I wondered to myself, what would have happened if I had the courage to leave what I knew as familiar and move to a strange counrty and start my life with him? What would that first year brought us? How would not dating him effected my relationships after?? All this...from a few extra moments in time to sit and reflect.

With relationships I thought of old friends. Ones from high school, from college, from work and from my social life. I think that I am lucky to have the friends that I do. They have all seen me cry over a broken heart from a guy or 2. They have seen me make a fool out of myself both in a drunken state and a sober one. They have seen me tempt fate and even take a chance when I should have taken the safe route. But most importantly, after all that I have done and gone through in life they are the ones that are still there. Day in and day out. These are the friends that no matter what, they will be there in a phone call. I have had my share of friends that I have stopped talking to for many reasons, some moments of silence lasted for a week, some for several months and some still do go on to this day. It makes me wonder how significant are the fights or arguments that you get into??? Is it worth dis-associating yourself over a hurt feeling? And when do hurt feelings disguise themselves as other things like lack of trust?? Friends are not perfect and they are allowed to irritate you, hurt your feelings or just annoy you at times. That is human nature. I guess what I am trying to say is the worst thing you can do is never talk to someone again over pride issues. What if, "GOD FORBID" something should happen to you? Do you want to have regrets? Never be able to say your sorry? Never have the option to say "Lets fix things" or even "Lets talk?" A true friend is one that if you call, they will be there for you. Even after an argument. They made you laugh when you have been crying, they make you smile when you are sad. The will stay up and comfort you when you are lonely, they will let you sleep in their bed instead of the couch and they will text you dirty messages in the middle of the night on a LA New Year's Night. Even if they are there when you don't want them to be, you know that they are telling you in a silent way that no matter what, you can count on me. I tell all my friends this, if you ever need anything call me. Even if we dated and we are just friends, if we haven't talked to each other in a year, even if you live 3000 miles away, I'm just a phone call away. Some of you may never have friends like this or may think it's more trouble then its worth, but until you dial that phone and find out...you'll never realize the importance of a good friend.

One never stops learning in life. When you get arrested you learn never to do that again. You go on a sexual escapade and didn't like it, you learn to show some self control, or when you get speeding tickets and get your license suspended because you either forget to pay or don't have the money you learn 2 things, first have a savings account and two, don't speed. I guess that one never really stops learning. It's about reflecting on your past to help you make sound decisions of the future. You force yourself to make sure that the negatives of your past do not repeat themselves. Because if not you've learned nothing but that you are blind to life.

12 more days

2005-02-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

12 days to countdown till my 2 partners in crime arrive and tear this city up. You have no idea what insanity that we will bring upon this city..........no amount of super heroes can save Tucson. I can only say that come Sunday night I'll be sleeping all day and hopefully have some of the best memories to start off this new year. :-)

FYI......broke the dry streak. FINALLY!!!

I think its time??

2005-02-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

Well I'm sitting here watching Sopranos and talking to Brian online. I'm totally bored. I mean REAAAALLLY bored. Brian is online enjoying himself and I've already returned movies to Blockbuster, went tanning and made a couple of calls for work. It's technically my day or relaxation and I am soooo outta my mind. I think that it's time to get the hell out of Dodge and start a new life somewhere. Meet new people enjoy the surroundings and just be in a new environment. I think it's a change that I need. Maybe even spark up my very DEAD love life. I have to admit and sadly I do....lack one. I mean I hit the worst dry spell EVER and I'm losing my mind. BLAH!!!! There isn't enough porn online to keep me occupied. So I guess that after this semester I might see if I can get the hell out of here. I'll miss my friends and close relationships that I feel I have made. I'll definitely miss some of the people that I have hung out with lately. But I really need a change. I don't know. Maybe I'll fell better after baseball starts and I have shit to do besides tool around the house. Any suggestions????

How time flies............

2005-02-01T21:23:00.000-07:00

I have been productive the past few days. I've been working my tail off at UPS.....by the way they hired a new supervisor to help me on my belt. WooHoo!! I hope that works out well. Now I have to decide which belt I want to run. Hmmmm......as I told one of my loaders....which belt do I like more??? But anyway, after work the past few days I have been working on my stuff for Mi Casa. There have been days that I have gotten off work at 10:30 and worked at home straight to 3:00. That's 13 hours of being awake and doing shit. OUCH! So as I layed down to try and take a nap my mind raced and I began realizing that I am going to turn 26 in just a little over 5 weeks. So instead of sleeping or thinking about life and what has happened over the past year I began planning my birthday. Now for those who read this, your are all invited to join, your not going to get an engraved invitiation either.....just come along.

So here is what I think I want to do. I'd like to spend Friday with the family and have them come over after work and BBQ. Get the friends and family together for drinks and food and a great ol'time. Then head out to a bar and finish the night off. But the main course of the weekend I want to have in Phx. It has been a year since I have been up there for more then a quick trip to get something done. I was talking to my uncle and I have the use of the suburban for the weekend and he has offered to get me my hotel room at the Princess Resort in Scottsdale. This is one of the nicest hotels that Scottsdale offers and it's close to the clubs. I was thinking maybe start off with dinner at something like Oregano's, Bahama Breeze, or Cheesecake Factory. The off to Axis for a few drinks and then maybe hit Amsterdam or some other gay pub in Phx area. I've only been to 1 so I really don't care. Maybe hit up some places on Mill Ave. Rula Bula or Fat Tuesday. I think it will be cool. I have a free hotel that sleeps at least 8 (it's a casita or mini apartment) and a car seats 8. I think it will be a fuckin' blast!!!!

Happy Birthday to Mike!!!!

2005-01-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was awesome. I hung out with the guys, drank and did man bonding! LOL No, not like that.......just a good time with the guys.

It started with drinks with my boss and Bob Dob's. Then the roomies and I headed north to North to celebrate my brother Mike's birthday. I met his girlfriend, and by the way...she has a set of LEGS ON HER! WOW!!! We got tanked up and jumped over to Ra where I had the most excellent sushi. Viva Las Vegas Rolls. Which I highly recommend!!! After being feed we moved on to Dirtbags. Where the saying is that "It's part of growing up", man I didn't realize that I already out grew that bar. Ehh....oh well. Once we drank to where we could no longer drink and got my brother equally tanked......over to a house party with Brian was our next and final stop for me. Once I got home Saturday morning I just enough time to go tanning, get some money from my cousin, shower get Pete and Brain and go to the parental's house for BBQ dinner and drinks.

Yeah...it was a drunk filled fun weekend. After the party started dieing down we went to Plush and met some of Brian's friends. Ran into some peeps that I haven't seen in like FOREVER and then drank myself silly. To the point that I got mad at this guy named Eric from Boston. ANNOYING!!!! I just don't understand why people have to be retarded. I just don't get it. Oh well.......

So what was my weekend. All in all....pretty good. Now the only thing I have to look forward to besides the next weekend is the arrival of Kelly and Shana. Oh man...that's going to be some insane shit!!!!

El Fin.....One chapter ends and another begins

2005-01-25T15:03:00.000-07:00

You will be glad to hear that there is closure. When it happened I wasn't sad or depressed but more relieved that I would be able to focus elsewhere in things. And relieved that I had an answer that made me know EXACTLY what was going on. As much as I thought that it would be a good idea and that there was a chance for things to work, it would have been an uphill battle that had I lost I could potentially damage a relationship that I have now. So for all of you that grabbed your holy water and crosses........CALM DOWN!!! LOL...it's all good! :-) So with that said......I slept like a baby last night and had a smile on my face. Now I'll be able to concentrate on school and work and let what happens in love just happen on it's own. Ahhhhh.....such is life!

This weekend (I know it's Tuesday), is my brother's 23 BDay which I will be celebrating at North Friday night. I get to met this chick from Seattle that Mike is eyeing and hang with my parents for some pre party drinks. I think this will be fun!! WooHoo!!!! Ye'all invited!! HAHA! That just sounded funny!

Justification

2005-01-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was one that I can say was a good mix of really good fun and really bad choices. Everyone in a while I decide that's it's ok to fuck up if you can justify it. It started off with drinking with my roomie here at the house. Now all we had was beer, cigs and a bottle of Sapphire. My day had been a little stressful and I was thinking was to hard in my situation with the last guy I dated. I know that most of you are tired of hearing about it or reading about it and everyone has their own opinion but it's hard to think with your head when your heart is so big. So to try and relax from a mentally stressful day I started with beer. Which as many of you know I don't really do. So after like forcing down 2 beers I changed to Gin. YUCK!!! But it was what we had and I wanted to forget as much as I could. It still amazes me how much he can control my life without him even tryin or probably wanting to. But as I said, my heart cares for him to much and always has even after breaking up, but at the time it was something that I had to do. I believe that it ended up saving out relationship in the long run. But anyway.......back to the weekend........I drank up 2 pepsi and gins followed by 2 monster and gins. Come 11 o'clock Trev told me that it was a down hill fall for me till I crashed out at 2:30. From what I was told......seeing how I don't remember JACK SHIT......I had Mike Barber take me to Malloney's to meet my cousin. As he was driving away (in my car non the less) I fell trying to tie my shoes and the bouncers 86'ed me from the bar. Now I know that it's not something to be proud of, but I wish that I had been able to see me act like such a crack addict!!! LOL.....so off to O'Malley's I went to continue my night. Now from the point of leaving the house to the next morning is all but a mystery to me. Although I do remember not being able to get into Malloney's I know that I spent the next hour in O'Malleys drinking. With whom you may ask???? I have no fucking clue!!! But I was there for an hour and ran a bar tab that I somehow remembered to close. Barber did mention the next day that I said something about meeting friends from work. I thought maybe my cousin but I later found out that it was not. As I decided that I needed to leave and attempt to pull my emotional mess together I called my friend Adam to pick me up, even though I had a ride a phone call away. Then proceeded to call Barber to come pick me up. Now Adam being the caring guy that he is came all the way down to get me and didn't find me. So on our way over to The Red Garter he called and met us there. But after getting that feeling that you have drank more then the human body should ever consume in a 6 hour period........we quickly drove to get some food where I (I say this with the most of embarrassment) puked my brains out at the drive through and then again in front of FIGI, the again on Speedway and Cherry. Yeah.......this would be a good time to say that I drank to fucking much and BOY was this is how my body tells me that I should NEVER EVER attempt that again. So at this point I can say that I was a emotional train that make a bad de-railment. After being dropped off at my house and eating a bit.....Barber went home and Adam stayed to make sure that I would be ok. Now he knows me well enough to know that something was up. After he asked and asked....I broke down in near tears explaining to him why I was in the condition that I was in. He was speechless...........put me to bed and left me a note in the coffee table. Which by the way is the only way that I even found out he was there.

After waking from my drunken slumber I knew something was wrong. My clothes were all over the room, I was half on the bed and I was in my contacts. I limped out of bed and grit my teeth from the massive headache that was now telling me that last night was not a liquor friendly night that it should have been. I began looking around and knew that last night was a night to remember. Ironically, it was a night that I could not. I looked around and found my important belongings. Keys, phone, wallet. WALLET.....WALLET!!! I flipped out.....I tore the house apart looking for my wallet!! Every single place that I could remember that I had been at.....I looked. So I called Barber in panic and he informed me that it was in my car. WTF??? Why was it in my car????? Last I remember I bought cigs the night before and my car was beeping away saying "I NEED GAS NOW!!" Well I guess it was my car that was the ride of the night. So after hearing what I had done the night before from both Mike and Adam I realized that I needed to get out of the house and get my mind off of Brian. So I showered and took off to Ried park and decided that today would be the day that I start running. I ran 3 miles and pushed myself to exhaustion. I was sweating gin, beer and vodka like a leaky bottle at the bar. But I have to say that I did feel much better afterwards. Like being refreshed with a new start. I have found a new hobby. Grab the iPod and hit the pavement!!!

Saturday night came and I decided that Pete and I were going to take the Tour of Tucson bars. We started at Malloney's the moved to Dirtbags where I saw my brother and he hooked me up with some shots. Then headed over to IBT's to meet Jose. But as I got there and realized he wasn't, we chugged our drinks and headed back to the car. From there we met Hans at Woodys and had a pitcher of beer. It was nice to say that I was sober and had 4 drinks all night. But this is where I thought wrong. At this point Pete was at slight intoxication the he needed some snow to end his night. So he made the correct friends at the bar and found the white stuff he needed. Yup you guessed it....I broke the year record. Oh well.....your young once and that's that. But to make up for it....I did get my ass out of bed Sun morning and ran the track again.

So here I am Mon morning and I'm sore as fuck.........and feeling great. I think it's time to run again. I have to find something to occupy my time. I have 2 classes and work. This leaves me with enough free time to use up doing something constructive.

So you now know my justification for this crazy weekend. Yes I know that most of you will think it's a lame one but guess what........It's the only one I got........Sorry!

Feelings

2005-01-18T22:59:00.000-07:00

Its amazing what the power of feelings can do. They can shelter you and protect you and then they can run wild and take over you. In my situation they protect me from getting hurt but then at the same time take over my mind and create something that may not really be there. A false reality per say. Tell me that I'm being paranoid in saying that because I haven't heard from someone in a few days after stopping by or calling to say hello, that there isn't a need to be worried? Maybe I need to learn to control my feelings? Or should I have a reason for concern? But of you stop feeling does that turn you cold and heartless to the world around you?

WOW!!!!! That's all I have to say.

2005-01-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

So Saturday night was very interesting. I don't even know what to say about it. Other the WOW!! I learned some new things about a friend and found out that I'm not the only guy in my shoes when it comes to one particular guy. WWOOOWW!! LOL.....what else can I say? But I think that I handled the confrontation well. I kept my cool when a guy tried hitting a nerve and just listened when he told me his story. Which in all honestly I could have cared less about him....honestly. This guy comes over to me and tries rubbing shit in my face that I am aware of.....as if he was trying to make a point??? FUCK THAT!!! He's luck we were in a public place......because I was about to knock his ass out. Oh well.......I wasn't part of the drama by choice.....but I was wheeled into it.

Hello Again!

2005-01-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

Well it has been sometime since I have blogged anything. Christmas was busy and UPS kept my ass busy and with moving into a house and just getting situated.....life has been hectic. I could use a calm weekend. Which by the sound of it this weekend I'm going to get it whether I like it or not. Everyone is going to be outta town and I'll be here alone. Except the roomies. But I see them everyday so they don't really count. The whole living on your own thing has been a learning experience. It's amazing how one can burn through money like I do. It might be partly because I haven't really made any changes in my lifestyle and so money seems to go quicker. But I have finally began learning that I need to. So like I said, it may be a good thing that I don't have any reason to go out this weekend.

I'm starting to get antsy about not having a social life that I have always had. I find myself pacing my room and house when I don't have anything to do. That or I clean constantly which I'm sure that Trevor and Pete enjoy. I don't mind. Just as long as they don't expect it.....we are good. I've learned that Pete loves cooking gourmet meals when he gets drunk. I can live with that. HAHAHA! Minus the mess that he leaves behind but, he does clean up after the hangover is gone.

So my plans for this weekend is prolly to visit my parents and grandparents. I have a Mi Casa meeting. For those who do not know what that is...I have a new job. Selling real estate ads in a magazine geared for Hispanic home buyers. The good think about this job is that I make my own hours and I work as much or as little as I need to. It seems like a pretty good gig. Mostly I go to realtors and sell them on the Hispanic home buyers market in Tucson and make sure that they incorporate all their connections that they use to push home sales through. Like Nova Home loans, first time buyer lenders, and escrow agents. So I have a planning meeting with my Tio Alex who owns the franchise here in Tucson and my mom who is an advertising agent. We're are going to do some brain storming.

Then I'm off to see my insurance agent to insure my house. Then off to the movies with Brian. I think "Meet the Fockers" is a good movie to see. So over all a pretty chill weekend. I'm sure that my body will appreciate it. Oh wait...Happy hour at Applebee's with some employees of mine!! WooHoo!!!!

The calm after the storm

2004-12-27T18:23:00.000-07:00

So today was the first day back to work after the intense Christmas season of 2004. And can I say THANK THE LORD!!!!! I now have time to relax and enjoy the time after work with friends and family. So for New Year's I usually do something fun and leave town. This year I'm not sure. There is the always outrageous family party that usually involves all the adults going on a bender and the kids driving them home. This year it is going to be at my uncle's new home up in OV. What a house.......and this week I will be going with him shopping for a surround sound system and plasma TV. It's like shopping for myself. LOL....My other choice for New Year's is to go with Christopher to Phx. Which is going to be fun but I'm debating on whether I should stay on Tucson or go to Phx. Ohhhh the dilemma.

This month has been insane. Jose's graduation, Amanda's father passing away, work, Christmas, and planning for New Year's. So glad that it's coming to an end.

Christmas Time

2004-12-22T13:54:00.000-07:00

Well let me start by saying that this has been the most hectic Christmas ever. I have done nothing but work. At UPS this is peak season and I have been working from at as early midnight to as late as noon. It has been an experience. What scares me is that today I was told that the week after Christmas might be just as bad as the week of. And why you may ask??? Well there are these type of people call procrastinators that wait to the last fuckin minute to have things shipped. I'm hoping that I can skip next peak and be doing something less intense. Who knows. So today after work I spent the morning cleaning house and making sure that everything is clean before Christmas. So when I leave for the weekend I don't have to do shit when I get back.

Well.......I have registered for classes and have 1 more semester at Pima high. Then I am going to cram my last semester at the U and hopefully be done with school in a year. Cross your fingers.

You know your ghetto when........

2004-12-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

When living on your own you begin to learn the great concept of a budget. One thing that I haven't mastered AT ALL. But one thing I have learned these past week weeks is to not spend needlessly. Except at the bar. That can't be limited. Well, it can. Just take money out and leave your card in the car. HAHA. That actually works. But today I went and got a haircut at the mall. As you might have figured I'm not a mall haircut kinda guy. I know it sounds snobby but I've never had a haircut by them. I'm used to the Aveda experience where your treated like a king. Or QUEEN depending who's going. There is a HUGE difference in quality of service. Not that the girl didn't do a good job or anything but presentation is important. You wanna feel special. This chick had her cell phone clipped to her pants A)GHETTO and B) as if she's going to answer while she's cutting my hair C)the hicky that she had added a touch of class. Ya know? LOL.....after that I headed over to the Dollar store to get a can opener. Yup, you heard it right, THE DOLLAR STORE. I was introduced to this experience on my first trip to LA to visit my brother. You know you live near the ghetto when there is a dollar store near by. Here I am pulling into this place in a car well over the income of most the people inside combined. I am being a smartass for those who found that offensive. LOL. I was a little embarrassed to say the least. Not because I was going to the store but because I was wondering what they were thinking seeing me walk into this place. I know, its stupid but that's what I was thinking.

Saturday I spent the day at my parents house basically running errands for my mom and she and my grandparents made tamales. I was in no mood to be making them so I willingly agreed to run the errands. PLUS, what better was to get some needed supplies then to add them to your mom's credit card. LOL......A car wash, tank of gas, LEVEL vodka, HYPNOTIC, cigars and of course a dozen tamales. I'd say it was well worth the trip up there.

While I was at the mall today I decided to start some Christmas shopping. I know what to get Rupa.....got Brian a nice gift........yes, I KNOW......but I figured that since him and his family aren't on greatest terms he still deserves to get a gift. So I got him something that I know he uses. I think it's a nice thing to get him something. There is no hidden message in the gift. Just a nice thing I wanted to do. The only person that I'm still trying to get something for is Jose. What do you get the girl that has everything? I'm puzzled. That's it....no more gifts to give out. Well besides that standard mom and dad gift. But, I'm sure that they don't want me to get them anything since I'm "on my own". I'll have to double check on that.

All moved in

2004-12-06T20:59:00.000-07:00

Friday just before the rain hit, I moved all my shit into the new house. Then spent the entire weekend putting my room and some of the house together. So come by and see the place. Everyone seems to live off Country Club. Jose, Brian and I. Ironic huh? LOL

Silver lining

2004-11-22T14:28:00.000-07:00

So after a rough ending with Sat, Shawn and Hans convince me that I should go out for a bit. So I do. I notice 2 guys checking me out. LOL...I guess wearing a white tee and jeans and a Boston hat ups my stock value. LOL......a couple of friends did a double take. I should dress down more often. One of the guys that is looking my way I say hi to. He looks familiar. I end up finding out that I talked to him for a bit. He's a nice guy. Smart, good looking, 34 (mature), stable, and ummm....2 kids. The only catch. Not that I don't mind kids, but it will just be something new to try out. Oh well. We have a date Wed, let's see how that goes. Any who.....I'm doing much better now then Fri night. YUCK! Never wanna do that again. If things end up working out, I have to thank Shawn for making me go talk to him. I was in a blah mood that night and wouldn't have gone over myself.

Feelings hurt

2004-11-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

So everyone knows my Ex Brian. The break up, the "not speaking to each other", the again friends, and my feelings for him. Well, as some of you know I still do have feelings for him. I told him. And we've had some good conversations. No biggie. Well I can't change the feelings I have, nor can I control them. I don't understand why I still have them. After all, it was me who called it off. EVERYTHING my decision. Well, I fully understand that the reasons that we broke up haven't changed. I know that he won't change. He doesn't want to. But I still have those feelings. What's odd is that I never saw me with him for the rest of my life. Unlike Korre.......I wanted to be with him forever. We had talked about our life together and that made it hard to end it. It made my break up hard too. Because I loved him. I'm just confused on why I still feel like I do about Brian. I just don't understand. So last night I go out and see Brain. As I was leaving the bar I see him kiss a guy and I totally lose it. I get mad and upset and feel like ass. To make matters worse, I know that I shouldn't be getting mad and that upsets me even more. To the point that I call Amanda bleeding my heart out and I'm so upset afterwards that I wanna cry out of frustration. At this point I'm a emotional mess. I throw my phone at my dashboard and crack the windshield. Yeah, great huh? Yeah, act out of anger!! One of the reasons that I would get mad at Brian. THAT doesn't help. So I'm staying home tonight so that I don't become a emotional hurricane again. I get my feelings hurt and looks that happens. NOT FUN! WHY??? JUST ANSWER THAT!!

For once I beat the cops

2004-11-08T13:01:00.000-07:00

Today on my typical drive to school I was heading north on Park. Just before Park hits Broadway and become Euclid there is a bend. Now, I'm not sure how fast I was going but when I hit the brake because I saw the front tire of a Cop's bike I was going an easy 60 in a 35-40mph zone. At the point I knew I was fucked. In my mind I was thinking......."Another ticket, this is my 3rd, my insurance is going to have a field day with me"...........As I came outta thought and saw this officer doing his job and pointing his radar at me I remembered something valuable from Salpointe. Mr. Harrison's American Gov't class had always told us, "Cops cannot pull you over on private property and their lights must go on prior to you entering it". As I headed in the direction of the officer looking straight at him and his radar and just about the time that he was mounting his bike to get me, I turned my blinker on and made a quick right in the business complex that was one entrance from the cop. I had escaped the wrath of the bitch cops that seem to always nail me. I made a stop saw the cop look in amazement at he realized that I had just gotten out of a ticket that I had rightfully deserved. He was not a happy camper. But you know what? I didn't care. For once I had come out on top!! I had beat the cops, he knew it and so did I. And for all those out there that have gotten the asshole cops on the bikes give them attitude and a paper saying you either pay $200 ticket or go to class for $180 let me tell you that the felling I had was great. It is possible to fuck the cops right back when they are about to take you without lube. Maybe I deserved the ticket but there are been plenty of times that they in turn could have given anyone a chance with a warning and they haven't. I think this was my revenge and saying "I get to feel good on this drive"

What a Friday

2004-11-06T15:31:00.000-07:00

So this Friday was awesome. It was one of those nights out where everyone had fun and everyone was at the point of intoxication that no one could do any wrong. It started for Rupa, Trevor and I at the Fireman's Chile Cook Off in Downtown Tucson. This is a yearly even where the stations from Tucson, Green Valley and Tubac get together and try and see who had the best, the hottest and greatest of all chile. Let me tell you, what I tasted was AWESOME!!!!! These guys can cook. All the money that was raised that night goes to the Food Bank for the holidays. Fireman are so community oriented. And may I say that firemen have the HOTTEST wives around with a grip load of kids. What is it with these guys????? DAMN!! Trev was drooling over the wives. There we met my parents and a few friends to drink the coffin sized Igloos with beer. Of course my dad tried intoxicated Rupa with Makers Mark and water. Hmmmmm.........First my aunts and Tiff and now my dad with Rupa. LOL After that started dieing down we headed up north to North. Where we met the guys for drinks and food. We had a great time. At one point Rupa said that we should have brought a camera and BAMM!! Trev pulls out like a James Bond move his slick camera out of his pocket. This is a prepared man! It was a sight. As T and I walked out to have a smoke he started a conversation with me. I believe his exact words were "I'm so disappointed in you Nick" and as I froze thinking of what I may have done offensive he continues with "Every girls here is checking you out and your not interested" HAHAHA!! I have never had a better laugh. I guess, as I was told last night that I looked extra handsome. Maybe it was because I put some extra effort into getting dressed and wanted to look SMASHIN DARLIN! After a couple of drinks we headed back to town and went to Woody's to met up with Little Scott. Then off to IBT's for the last hour and a half. Once at IBT's it was insane. Everyone that I knew was there last night. We were all a little tipsy if not drunk and it was comedy hour at the Apollo. Everyone was airing the dirty laundry that was funny as all hell. We had a ball. Shawn was keeping us laughing with his wit and Derrick threw in a few words of incite about his first few months in Tucson. Even Chris was there. Unfortunately he was babysitting Daniel who was visiting from D.C. It was a great time. It's times like this that I'm glad that I have been blessed with such great friends. Even when Jose is being a butt and ends it with "Just get drunk Nick and you'll be saying your my favorite Jose EVER!" LOL So TRUE, So TRUE!!!!!

Hmmmmm what do dreams mean.

2004-11-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

Ok had a dream of my ex. A good dream no arguing no fighting. Just a random day were I lived in a building that I had a restaurant, nightclub and really cool house all in one. I don't know what to think of that. The ex part. Any suggestions? Why have I had him on my mind so much. This probably explains why I was on my best behavior last night.

The country we live in

2004-11-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

Well looks like the hick we call the Pres. is back in office. It will be in interesting 4 years ahead of us. VERY INTERESTING!!

Back from LA

2004-11-03T19:23:00.000-07:00

Well, as much as Iove the big city, I'm sure glad to come back to reality called Tucson. I went to see my brother in LA this past week and had a kick ass time. Went to a Playboy party Thurs night and saw the launch of new leather collection and collars for dogs. I know, I don't understand the combination either. We were both exhausted Fri night from Universal Studios and some Rodeo shopping that we stayed home and watched movies. Sat was a busy ass day too!! We did some more shopping at Barney's, Rodeo again and went tanning. Let me tell ya......20 mins is to long for the first time in MONTHS......a little burnt. HEEHEE.......But we got all dolled up and headed to Hollywood to paint the town red. And that we did!!!!

The drive to and from LA was so nice. The new ride is smooth at 110! It was great! Plus I talked Rupa's ear off most of the trip. Thank god for IN from Verizon. Or that would have been a EXPENSIVE call. So this weekend I think that I'll take it easy. No need to overdue it again. Once is enough. Oh well, an Exam Fri and that's all that I have planned. Thankfully a slow week.

Power of Concentration

2004-10-26T20:54:00.000-07:00

So after class today I went to the library and read 5 Chapters of Business Law in 3 hours. Pretty amazin huh? And that included taking notes and remembered what I read. Then I came home ate and read 3 Chapters of Accounting in like 2 hours. THAT! Not as fun. I was falling asleep. But I did take advice from Jose and on the way to class had myself the BIGGEST White Chocolate Mocha Starbucks had to offer. That kept me going till 5:30. Not a bad pick-me-uper. 8 hours strong.

Wed night I will be out with the crew for Rupa and Nick's "Last Night In Town" party. I don't know where but it will have a TV to watch the game. I will have to keep it on the DL seeing how I still have to go in for a few hours to work (THOSE BASTARDS). I wanna see everyone's ass out Wed night! Call me for info.

Then Thurs I will head out to Toon Town at 7:30, shop for the MTV Rock Your Vote Party and see the Celebes out all night. Thank god the flash turns off on my camera.

An early morning dream

2004-10-25T13:57:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days that feels like a dream. No real sense at all. Kinda like being drugged up of allergy meds and having that "DUUHHHHH" feeling. I woke up around 12:40 and not seeing the 1, freaked out thinking it was 2:40. Then my cell phone goes off at 1:35, the time that I normally get up to go to work when I have training. Finally at 2:25 I get up all by myself just 5 mins before my alarm gets up.

The morning was a typical Monday. My trucks were missing thanks to Saturday air that screwed with my docks and trucks. Finally 15 mins into sort I have the last truck parked and the day beings. So far, not a REALLY BAD Monday but seeing how I have had them off for a while, it was a little shocker of sorts. After break I start getting that numb feeling. Like I've taken to much allergy or cold meds. And for the rest of the day I feel that no matter how fast I walk or how much I try to motivate the loaders to get in gear, I myself feel like I am dragging my ass.

Then finally at the end of the wrap I was pleased to see that I had only 4 loaders were over 5 hours of work. 2 which are excused because they do more then load and start earlier in the day. As I begin shutting down my area one of the managers comes up to me with a Next Day Package the he claims was left at the dock of the truck and never placed inside. I know this to be false because I went and pushed the last of the packages on the dock for the driver to see and outta habit, I scan the package label to make sure that it is in the correct bay. I am going to assume that it must have been loaded onto the truck incorrectly or someone else came by and placed it by the truck assuming it would be found and placed accordingly. I volunteer to take it out to get delivered because it was near campus and I could do it.

Another driver on his way out says he can take it and deliver it on time. So I get to campus and walk into my class and sit down. I notice that one of the students has a book that I have never seen. Oddly I think nothing. But to make sure and to confirm that I am not a complete dork I look at the syllabus to make sure that I didn't buy the wrong book at the beginning of the semester. No I was right. Ok....no biggie. But I still have a gut feeling that I am wrong. So I look at the syllabus again. Downtown campus, 10:40 classroom AH230. Yeah, that's all right. Hmmm.....I must be ok. Then my teacher comes in. I say hi to her and sit at my desk. She begins by checking homework from chapter 7. OK.....with a midterm coming I KNOW we are on chapter 9. So I grab my syllabus again and begin looking at EVERY detail Have I missed something? What is going on? This is to wired! Then I see the problem. This class I have T/TH. Today is Monday. HAHAHAHA!! I should be at West campus. Close to where I had to deliver the NDA package. Flustered and embarrassed I wait for the teacher to turn her head, grab my bag and BOLT!

As I held my tail in between my legs I laughed out load as I walked to my car. I mean...I told a manager that I had to go to west campus. I walk into a class and say hi to a teacher that I see on t/th and then as I walk out, I realized that everyone in that class had a book that said "Financial Accounting" not "Managerial Accounting". Just goes to show that when your so focus on something (mid terms) you can loose site of every sense of common sense. HAHA! It was so surreal. Like the dreams you have of walking to school and not noticing that your shoes/socks or pants are missing. HAHAHA! Ahhh...the joys of stress.

A relaxing weekend an a short week ahead.

2004-10-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

Well this weekend was great. Hung out with the gang both immediately and extended. Was able to see T Dogg!!! Had some brews and NO WINE! LOL.....

Went to Phx Sat to redo Kenn's purchase on paper. Worked a salesman for $200 bucks in Marriott vouchers. :-) I'm a pro, what can I say. It was free with test drive. I just indulged a bit. Some can write well, I can scam well. HAHAHA!! Kidding.

This week will be short. 3 days at UPS and then off to Toon Town to see my brother. I won't be able to enjoy the gay life there unless I can unload him for a night. We shall see, I'm going there to hang out with him, not get laid. Although it would be nice. It's been to long. Which brings me to another subject..........the ex.

Fri night I had a very good conversation with him. I bleed my heart to him about why I did what I did and what I was feeling and pretty much just told him that through it all I still very much care for him. As Amanda puts it, the honest ones are children and drunks. But I think he understands my actions better and hopefully of nothing else, it allows us to become better friends. Rupa thoughts......take it one day at a time. My feelings? No expectations means no disappointment. If I don't expect anything then what do I have to lose? Ehh...it's a safeguard of my own.

All in all a good weekend. This week I have 2 mid-terms. Prey that I get everything done by Wed. Homework and all!! Oh and by the way........may I say that Boston WON GAME 2!!! Who's your daddy!?!?

Ok, night night all!!

The week is half over......."Hump Day"

2004-10-20T13:19:00.000-07:00

Well, this week is going by awfully fast. My vacation days are slowly counting down. It feels like the end of summer and school is starting. HAHA...well...school has started and I feel like it's a slow death.

This week has been filled with a lot of sleeping and a lot of staying up late. Not even because I have anything to do, but because I can. See working at UPS I have to be in bed by 9 at the latest and be at work by 3:30 in the morning. Yup, you heard right.....3:30. I know, everyone asks why I do it? Honestly......I don't know. Except for once I get into the routine of things, I really like it. I enjoy the excitement and the thrill of the daily changes and challenges. The stress and the goal to make today a better day then yesterday. Yeah, like any job there is plenty of B.S. that I have to deal with. I have the training supervisor up my ass to do better and learn this and memorize that and get this done. And I have my boss telling me to that I need to get this done with "X" amount of people and "X" amount of hours and "X%" efficiency. At times I hate it and realize that come payday.....it was all worth it. HeeHee......Financially motivated? Me? Just a little.

But this week I have been catching up with my school work and memorizing some shit for work and enjoying my time off. I went to Colors last night with Hans, Shawn and Scott. Yes, the cute one that I ADORE! Ran into Brian wasted and excited over last night triumphant WIN in NYC!! Let me tell you Yank fans.....KISS MY ASS BITCH!!!!!!! HAHA!! Yes Rupa, that means you too!! Talked to a guy named Steve that hangs out there a lot and he was very insiteful about what he thinks about Brian and I. Well, yea....maybe a part of me still likes him a lot.....but I don't believe that I'll be going down that road again anytime soon. Maybe in a perfect world I would. But those are not the circumstances at hand. But anyway..........Such is life. I consider it a deck of cards that you have to play to beat the house. And in my life.....there is NOOOO way that Ill let the house will win without a battle! So far.......it's been neck and neck.

Ok, time to get some more reading and homework done and a quick nap followed by some UPS training that I have to memorize.

Weekend to Remember

2004-10-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

Well maybe not. It depends on the point of view and the person telling it. It started well had a little bump of lost items including a 32K car, phone and pants. Continued with a chill night out and ended with a new car. Can I say that I had a pretty good weekend? Well, from what I remember HELL YEA!!! But I'd like to repeat it again without any wine. I don't care how good it is.

P.S. Brian, it you have the address to my blogg, I apologize for crossing that line. If I did? I've heard 2 stories. Don't know which is true but in any case. Sorry.

Nick needs to be SMACKED AROUND!!

2004-10-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

So I have had NO desire to bust my ass in school. I have no idea what's wrong with me? Maybe I should have taken this semester off. I don't know. In an attempt to get back into the swing of things I've been reading all day long my acct book. It's an attempt. But Everytime I get into reading I see my computer and feel like I can be more productive chatting or looking at porn. I know!!! IT'S SAD!!! SO today I refused to use the computer till I had 4 chapters read. I'm on Chapter 2. UGH!!!

Besides that...I had a good weekend. I went to Pride and actually had fun. The first time I went I wanted to run out!!! I was scarred and just not in the mood. But this year Jose and I went and it was fun. I guess it's all about the company that you go with. I got to hang out with Jose and it was nice to just chill. I began drinking and boy, I have come to the conclusion that drinking all day gives me stomach cramps at the end of the day. Being midnight. UGH! No more all day benders!! I refuse to leave the bars early.

After the park I went to my grandparents house and continued drinking with my cousins and uncles. I got into a nice fight with my mom over smoking. It wasn't pretty. My uncle and aunt tried making peace and lighten up the matter by grabbing a smoke too and "trying" it. It was funny to see them buzzed off a few puffs. After the fight I decided to leave. I headed over to Jose's house where him and I went out to IBT's.

DAMN!!! Why are all the cute guys from out of town? I mean, I know Tucson is small, but SHEESH!! Cut me some slack. I did see a guy that looked like Nick Lachey and I must say.....WOOOOOW!!! I'm sure everyone else saw that too. My friend Adam came along too. We had a long talk about what he would like to see in a relationship and it was hard to explain to him that I wasn't looking for a relationship. He's nice and all, but just not doing it for me. Plus, to make matters worse, he's leaving to Wisconsin at the beginning of the year. THERE IS A RED FLAG! But he was nice enough to walk me to my car and make sure that I made it there ok.

At the bar Steven or "IEATA COX" came out with his closeted neighbor. This guy was cute!! And he kept grabbing my junk, which when I'm drunk IS FUN!!! LOL........But Steven later told me that he was thrown out of the bar for being obnoxious! OUCH! Can't say I've done that. LOL

Saw the EX at PRIDE where Jose thought I would be uncomfortable in talking to him. I wasn't. I did find out that he was punched in the face for talking shit to someone from the passenger seat of someone's car. OUCH!! BAD DRUNK!! BAD BAD!!! HAHA!!

Sunday I was a complete lazy ass!! Milked my last day at Qwest!! I worked 30 mins more everyday this weekend!! *HALO* Officially done with that, luckily I have 2 more paychecks waiting for me which will be my Cali money.

**REMINDER**

Jose and Rupa, we have a date Fri! Dinner and drinks at the Indian's house, a few episodes of SATC and then to the bar to SHAKE OUR GROOVE THANG! It will be nice to see Rupa again after her extended hiatus.

Maybe Sat, depending how much $$ is left over after paying bills, I may find myself in Phx. There are a few nice looking boys there that I've been dieing to meet. Maybe I'll have better luck up in the big city. Hmmmmmmm...........

So that was my weekend in a quick wrap up. This week is 4 days of work. Lots of reading and a relaxing weekend. Next week I'm off Mon- Wed and then the following week I'm off to LA to party it up with Mr. Rich in toon town!!! I hope that I get to see Luis in SD. We shall see.

We should be thankful for the little or a lot that we have

2004-10-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

I was watching this show today called Extreme makeovers - House Edition. In this episode they profiled a Hispanic family from downtown L.A. The husband was a social worker for at risk kids and the wife had an ordinary job. Now, this should be nothing new for most families of that area, but as I continued to watch, there was more then meets the eye. This man was a father of 9 children all younger then high school age. 3 which were actually his younger brothers and sister. His mother had passed away a while ago and he took on the responsibility to raise them instead of the state of CA. His income did not provide him much and taking care of 9 children was a lot. He had purchased a home from a forclosure and had a year to bring it up to code. Or the state would take the children away. Well, things weren't looking great.

Some how ABC drew his name and decided to go some great in this mans life. They took the family to Walt Disney World in Orlando and in the week that they were gone, tore down his home and built him a 4000 sqft home in place of the tiny shack he had lived in before. His old home was very small and not fit for 11 people to live in. Children were sharing bed and all of them shared 1 bathroom.

As the family was away, they built this immaculate home, filled with the children's favorite things. Included in this home was a bed for each child and was 3 levels. 2 kids shared a dinosaur room, a girl that wanted to be a Miss America contestant had her room all filled with pageant Barbies, posters of past winners, banners and tiarras. Not bad for a little girls dream. Another girl was into spy stuff. Her room had a fingerprint accepting door knob, a camera that looked at who was at her door, a telescope and everything a young spy could ask for. One of the boys was autistic. As you know, those children HATE change. So the designers of the home sent a book of colors and fabrics to the little boy on vacation so that he could pick his own colors, textures and fabrics for his room. The room itself was very plain. Soft and relaxing colors, a hammock over his bed, and a big ball I the middle of the room. A child therapist had told the family and designers that this little boy would like a way to be wrapped in his hammock. So that is exactly what they boy got. And for the first time in a long while, the boy smiled!!!

Now the mother and father has a beautiful room for them. 2 levels, one being the bedroom and above it a loft that they could go up to relax in. The children had a 3 level too. On this third level was a music room that they could play instraments (the children enjoyed this prior) filled with pictures and prints of their heritages past musicians. In the other room was a learning center that looked much like a library in an elemenrty school. 2 computers, a wall that was painted so that it was actually a chaulk board. It was amazing!!!!!!! The smiles on the kids was unbelievable!

Now the mom had a beautiful kitchen, 2 stoves, 2 dishwashers and 2 fridges, any mother from a large family would have loved to have this!! The mom was most excited over her laundry room where she was given 2 large washer and dryers! This is what she cried over!! That and the children's bedrooms. At the end the mother and father were crying with happiness and thanking the builders, ABC and all those involved!

I guess as I sobbed watching this, I was given a little bite of reality and how lucky I have it. Not to say that I didn't know this before, but I saw what a family had to struggle to get and I just was reminded how lucky I am. There are always those less fortunate then us and we should be thankful for the little or lit we have. Nice cars, homes, clothes on our back, food to eat and simple stuff like shoes and socks. Especially going into this holiday season, it's a good reminder to always give to those in need, even if it's a man on the side of the road begging for a dollar. We never know if it's actually for booze or maybe the little food he will buy for himself. Why are we to make that call?

So with that said, I think I'm going to clean out my closet of all the clothes that I don't wear anymore and put it in a bag and give it to the Beacon Foundation. Why keep something I don't use when I could give it to a charity. That is something my family has done ever since I cold remember!

The weekend of eating out!

2004-10-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

So let me tell you that I prolly haven't eatin out so much in one weekend. Thanks to UPS and Amanda's friend Darlene. All yummy food!!!! Did my rounds this weekend too! Friday was intense on my day O' bindge drinking and then Sat out to celebrate what's her face's Birthday. Yeah Tiff. Of those that are aware of the situation, it's done and over with. Just have the wedding in about a month and then she'll be off in Sierra Vista miserable and taking care of those rejects of society. Lucky for me, I'll be here in school and at UPS busting my ass during peak.

Speaking of peak, let me tell you that I'm kinda nervous thinking of the insanity called holiday at UPS. Where we go from an avg. volume of 32,000 packages (up from last years avg of 27-30K) to holiday volume of close to 40,000. This year we are thinking that we are going to peak 40 because of all the openings of the UPS stores.

This was discussed as a good and bad thing over out last meeting. Good because it guarentees that we as employees of UPS have jobs, but bad because DAMN! THAT'S A LOT OF WORK!! HA! Better learn time management with school and work! Eeeeeeeeeekk!!!

Notice from the publisher

2004-10-03T14:26:00.000-07:00

So I decided to redo my last post. For some reason, and I don't know where she came from.....but a bitter angry queen came out. I didn't know I had one or that she could exist. But she's been evicted and is gone. :-)

The Mexi is sick as a DOG!!

2004-09-28T11:49:00.000-07:00

So I have been trying to shake this flu for the past few days. It's been nasty. I'm achey, tired, sore and throat all swollen. Damn, I hate being sick. I've taken enough over the counter meds to put a small horse down and still not getting better. If I don't get any better I'll be seeing my Dr. this week and having him give me some shit to get rid of this damn sickness. I have a life that needs maintaining.

HHEEEEELLOOOOO Fall!

2004-09-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

So today was the first day that I felt like fall was here. Ironically I believe that I heard on the radio that it was. Summer is officially over!! THANK GOD! I hate this fuckin heat we live in. As I left for work this morning at 2:30 a.m. I noticed it was a bit chilly. I thought to myself...odd....and then I drive with the sunroof open to work. Lately it's been hot and stuffy outside and I have had the A/C running on the drive to work. When I got to work I turned off the GIGANTIC circulating fans and then realized.........THE SUMMER IS OVER!!! Now starts the slide to New Year's at UPS. AAHhhhh......I'll be in suit and tie and a wool coat on dock when it starts freezing outside. LOVE IT!!!!! :-)

Other then that, work is going well and school sucks ass!! Oh well........not to much longer of giving money away to the state for a below average education. LOL

School with a little time to play.

2004-09-19T13:19:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was productive and unproductive at the same time. Don't ask.

I met Jose and Mike at Colors where I had a really good hamburger. Mushroom something. It was pretty good. Yes, I did say Colors. Yes Brian does work there. Everything went well and it would have too had he been there that early in the a.m. I spent Fri night with the crew at the cool little bar called Long Wong's. Peter, Trev Dogg!!, Amanda, Jill, Speedy Pete and I. When we drank all the Corona they had, we headed over to Bob Dob's and had a few more drinks. Let me tell you at this point Amanda was well on her way to Drunkville. ONE WAY PASS. There was not enough Vodka in the house to keep her glass full. HAHA!! Then we headed to IBT's were we hung out with lil Brian on his last weekend in town before heading to NYC. Brit Nick was also in town for some WingSpan stuff. He's always a blast. Damn accent!!!! Amanda and I did what we normally do and that is try and match each other drink for drink. I think we drank the entire bottle of Grey Goose at IBT's. LOL....I have too much excess fundage if that is true. But it was a GREAT vodka. I guess the French are good for something.

I took this weekend off from work so that I could study for an exam that I have. One more month of having to work weekends and then I'm a free man!!!! So I went down to campus and studied my ass off!! I should have brought a canoe to campus, it was flooded!!! The up part, there were half naked buff men all over the puddles and for the straight guys, bikini women too!

Sat night was a new choice of bars. Amanda and I went to Sullivan's to have a drink. Then over to the Key's. I've been there once before and this time was much better. It's a really nice bar. Lounge, dance floor, patio, the works. Very Scottsdale-ish.......except when you see the people that hang out there. Ummm....yeah....there is an age limit to who can shop at FOREVER 21. 35-40 is WAAAAYY over. Then there is the weight class.....I don't mean to be rude but sweetie, if the lunch meat is hanging out, its to tight. And your REAL friends would tell you that.

Then the oddest thing on months happened. I get a random call from my ex Chris. It was like 11 o'clock Sat night and he was calling and asking what I was doing. Well, I answered because as you know, its not a normal thing for him to call you that late. I assumed something was devastatingly wrong. He was at a WingSpan dinner and things weren't going as smoothly as he planned. And as you know, there is nothing more irritating to him and nothing depresses him more then when things like that go wrong. So being the good ex that I am (even after out HUGE fall out) I decided at the last minute to go over and make sure he was ok. All he really wanted was for someone to listen. Then realized that it wasn't all that bad to begin with.

Thanks Mike.......

2004-09-16T11:58:00.000-07:00

follow this link

Come to your own conclusion!

2004-09-12T18:11:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was very eye opening and fun.

Friday night I started the evening with Trevor and watched him drink himself silly. As he and Pete decided to go to a house party, I made my way down to IBT's. I invited my co-worker to come along. She's been dieing to go and (LAUGH NOW) she was under the impression that I was going there to see a friend that was in town for a short time. I KNOW, I KNOW!!!! DON'T wanna hear it.

But anyway this adventure was the beginning for what was a very eye open experience of 2 individuals.

I have slowly learned that even the most trusted friends have skewed perceptions of people based on few circumstances and rumors. So one of the 2 people that I spend some quality NOT quantity time with was pegged as an odd ball. But after talking to him and getting to know his story a bit better, he really just is a SUPER intelligent and very philosophical person. I mean, I personally don't spend a lot of time thinking of things to an extreme but that's his personality. All in all, he's a very nice guy. He was shocked that I had talked to him for more then 5 mins. LOL.....
The other person I have known of for a while and always had a little crush on him. But never perused it. I mean....HELLO!! Have u seen him, mighty hot! But anyway.....as the night went on and I listened to the conversation I found out the he is a VERY intelligent person. All I have heard is that he is as smart as a pile of rocks. Nah.....there is substance there.

It just goes to show that you should always come to your own conclusion of people and not base it one good or bad experience or what someone said.

I have found out that a few times I have been perceived as a stuck up, snotty guy because I'm always with the same people and never really mingle with the crowd. Ehhh.......so what! I'm there to hang with the fellas. :-)

But I did run into the Ex-Factor and after much quick shots and deep breaths I said hello and made my peace. Ehh......why be mad anymore. It's all done and over with ad regardless on how the break up should have begun, should have been executed or terminated, the ending would have been the same. So what's the point.

So with all this said and done........it's the beginning of a GREAT semester......a new start and a revised ending. Like "The Great Rupa" has quoted......."Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending"~Carl Bard. And a personal favorite La Vida es un Carnival...... *dances*

Sweet week and a moment of silence

2004-09-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

So this week I went to all my classes this week. I'm so behind in class. 2 weeks into the semester and I decided to add my classes. It's amazing that schools with throw money at you so that you can attend. So to those that say that they can't go to school because they can't afford, BULLSHIT!! It's all about having the drive to go.

Other then that this week has been nice. Short and sweet. I've claimed all my vacation days for the rest of the year. WOOHOO!! Sweet...getting paid to stay home. Oh wait, Qwest pays me to do that too.....LOL.....HAHA....

I decided that I won't keep that job after I get back from my L.A. trip. Why bother, I don't need the money.

So on another not, I thought I would remind you all that Sat is Sept. 11th. And we should all hold a moment of silence to all the fireman and policeman that lost their lives during the World Trade Center attacks. It's amazing that I can still remember what I was doing that day like it was yesterday. How freaked out my dad was to the point that he asked all to leave school and work and wait till he calls us and lets us know what is happening. (In case you didn't know my dad is a firefighter at the airport.) So to all those that lost their lives.....WE THANK YOU for your bravery and out hearts go out to your families.

2004-09-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

FINALLY FIXED

2004-09-06T20:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, after a few days, I fixed my blogg.

This weekend was cool. Partied hard Fri and had a calm Sat. Sun went to Woody's and had a blast LAUGHING my ass off. Thanks to Hans that made me laugh that my abs hurt today. Glad that everyone met Glenn. He's a cool guy. Seems nice enough. But looked what happened last time that I thought it.

Eveyone take a look at Mike's Blogg.....Another thing that I hooked him on. LOL

Last Conversation

2004-09-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

So here is the last conversation that I had with my ex. Posted word by
word to avoid confusion and misinterpretation
*************************

Brian White: LOL... nice new blog posting
Brian White: you do realize that your "private" journal is on the internet for all to see... and that its linked to other people who are, in turn linked to other people?
Brian White: and that it is perfectly plausible for someone to stumble upon it?
Brian White: The funny thing is that you think I'm mad about it... when I was more appaled at your severe lack of writing talent
Brian White: Overall, the blog is kinda dry
4:00 PM
Nick Moreno: hey
Nick Moreno: ANYWAY......my private journal may be linked on someone's else...being Jose....but you still have to look for it and what do you know about journalism?
Brian White: whats your point?
Nick Moreno: I never gave u the link b/c I have vented about u on it....
Brian White: clearly
Nick Moreno: anyway, u still made a point to look for it.
Brian White: and?
Brian White: its called surfing the web
Brian White: you click on hyperlinks and see where it goes
Nick Moreno: no, its called LET ME LOOK for what Nick never wanted me to see
Brian White: megalomaniac... its not all about you
Nick Moreno: I really don't care, read it everyday if u want
Brian White: its really not that exciting
Brian White: i've read better
Brian White: want my new blog address?
Nick Moreno: And if it's that bad stop reading it. You've read it twice now.
Nick Moreno: nope, not really
Brian White: I can give it to ya in case you change your mind
Brian White: I'm really proud of it
Brian White: pictures and riveting stories
Nick Moreno: the only one I read it Jose's.....and even then its once in a while
Brian White: you should check it out
Brian White: Im really likin this whole blog thing
Brian White: its ok to read blogs, dude
Nick Moreno: I know its ok.......
Brian White: I just want you to know that I was not actively searching for your blog like bush is osama.... I really did just see the link
Brian White: and started reading
Brian White: I couldnt have found it if I tried
Brian White: so... I really think it was the universe shedding some light on things
Brian White: thats all
Brian White: dont be mad
Nick Moreno: like I said, I'm not mad that you read it...thats your decision.......but dont get pissed at what I say or anyone else has say that I wrote on there.....thats your choice for reading. P.S. This weekend was light being shed on you. Funny how that works once people know were not dating anymore.
Brian White: of course, just dont be so incredulous when someone finds things that are on the internet
Brian White: its public domain, buddy
Nick Moreno: well, I told you that I didn't want to give you the address......that to me was hint enough to not read it
Nick Moreno: hey u dont have to justify it.......you "found" it.....good for you. Now you know why I didn't want u to read it.....
Brian White: The world is a small place... were friends with the same people, it was bound to happen.... just realize its a site that anybody can read... and because of that, some journalistic integrity should be applied...if you choose to write about your recent breakup ... good for you, just be factual in the reporting
Nick Moreno: factual? As far as I know it is
Brian White: to me, you just left out so much on why it didnt work out btwn us and focused on something so trivial
Nick Moreno: well the days that I wrote it.....I vented on what I needed to vent on.....the rest my friends already knew, there was no need for detail. I dont need to repeat to you why it wouldn't have worked out.
Brian White: fair enough, but I had no idea you needed to vent about the comments I said to sean about gay.com
Brian White: you'd think you'd be more angry about other stuff
Brian White: but to each his own
Brian White: thankfully, were not dating anymore
Nick Moreno: yes, thankfully!!!
Nick Moreno: I was angry that you were under the impression that guys were after my number
4:25 PM
Nick Moreno: b/c I never told u that
Brian White: so, have you gotten any hot action lately?
Nick Moreno: the only thing I ever said about gay.com (after you brought it up) was that chatting is addicting....
Nick Moreno: nope I haven't.
Nick Moreno: At least not anymore then while we were dating.
Brian White: how was scotts party?
Nick Moreno: AWESOME!
Nick Moreno: just what I needed
Brian White: I had to work
Brian White: my friends told me about it
Nick Moreno: yeah, it was great
Nick Moreno: I saw some people that I hadn't seen in a year
Nick Moreno: got trashed and Trev had to drive my car around......
Nick Moreno: which he seems to like doing
Nick Moreno: the scotts and Trevor always make sure that I'm wasted at their house.....I think its funny to them
Brian White: cool
Brian White: well, gotta go
Nick Moreno: bye

All I can say is look up a good psychologist and ask for some mood
stabilizers!! Come one now. Can we say bi-polar?

By the way, something trivial would be the extent that you went to because
someone hung up on you.

Warning.....

2004-09-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

So I found out today that my ex "stumbled" onto my blogg account. Refer
to: Comments left from last blogg. Hmmm.......I have to doubt that. I was at
the homepage for this site and there is no way to search people's blogg.
Since he has asked me for the address before and I didn't want to give it to
him, I get the feeling that there was some effort to "stumble" onto my site.

Warning to those that read this
*****This is my journal. I give out the address to those that I allow to read it.
When I write in here I don't hold back my feelings. I write how I feel. That's
what make it MY journal. So when you read this or "stumble" onto it, you
have NO right to get upset at me or anyone else that I choose to write
about. Basically you read it and that's it. ***********

Knowing that someone has read this that I didn't want to, I can guarantee
you that he is pissed at me and others. But guess what? There is nothing
you can do about it, you weren't meant to read it and once you did, to
DAMN bad! So I don't wanna find out that you made a comment to anyone
about their involvement directly or indirectly with my blogg. Show some
maturity. Although I have to say LOOKING for someone's blogg after
obvioulsy asked to not read it, and reading it anyways....doens't show a lot.
Sorry, just the truth.

Accident prone day

2004-08-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

So I found out that Amanda was in another rear end accident. Can I hear attny's phones ringing! LOL....$$$.....Kidding. Hope that your feeling better and you have fun in Vegas!

But to end the day crazy, Rupa was in an accident like a few hours later. I ran down to make sure that she was ok.

NO MORE ACCIDENTS!!!!!!!!!!
Glad that you guys are ok.

Boys are Annoying!!!!!

2004-08-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

So after hearing another version of Brian's feelings of out relationship I
about slit my writs. UGH! I can't believe that he doesn't have his story
straight. He told someone that he thought I wasn't interested in him
because I once said that I was on gay.com and mentioned everyone
wanted my number! Ok.......flat out lie, because I never was on gay.com
while we were dating. Once when he asked me if I had ever been on
gay.com. OF COURSE I HAVE. I have met some of good friends there. But
according to him, people only get in there to fuck! Please!!!! If that were
only true! ASS!!!!

So this persons advice was to not call me and if I called back, then I was
interested in him. Ok, NOT A GOOD THING when I don't have a number to
call him at because he just moved!

So because of this, I'm glad I had a great Sunday morning. NO
REGRETS!!!!! How immature can one be, I thought we were in college and
we learned to communicate like adults when we needed to. Hell, I did!!!!

So to my friends out there......DON'T LET ME THINK OF DATING AGAIN!
Like I said, unless I am moved emotionally like with Korre, no chance in
HELL to date!!!!!

The life that never was........

2004-08-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

So on the drive home from work I began thinking about my life. I started
realizing that at age 25 I'm not in where I what to be in life. I started feeling
like I should regret this but then quickly realized that I have always told
other to never live with regrets. So it was at that point that I started to real
analyze the situation.

At my age, I feel like I should have been graduated and into a career that I
have been working on for so damn long at the UA. And that being the
major downer right now it was really bothering me. Maybe it was the
comment that my dad made about him going back to school and finishing
his degree. But the I started taking a closer look at my life. At 25, I have
begun my career by taking a entry level management job. The ironic part
is that it is in a field that I never planned in getting into. I mean, I never
wanted to work at UPS, that was a new thing brought on by my uncle.
Unkie Alex for all you that know him. So I guess like most things in my life I
have done it backwards and outta the normal sequential way you get a
job. Rupa brought up a good point, at my age most people are not making
the kind of money that I am. So that's kinda a good thing. All my life school
has been drilled into me that I needed to get done to find a good job and
begin your life. But like many things in my life, I have accomplished it in a
different order. Maybe we put so much emphasis on education and not
enough in the fact that many things in life can be done prior to a certificate
of degree.

I know that I will have to get my degree in the near future, after all, without
it in any job my moves are limited. So I guess looking at what I have
versus what I thought I should have, the things I haven't accomplished yet
are made up by the things that I have done that weren't in the plan but are
equally important.

Also, this whole Brian thing is really bothering me. What he had told Rupa
that he feels versus what I feel has contributed to this all annoys me. I
know Rupa has heard me a million times say this, but after letting him
know that I don't think this is working and hearing him say he wanted to
work on it and me agreeing to it. Then not hearing from him for like a
week, 7 DAYS.......makes me feel like.....this was something out of my
control. I understand that his life has been hell at home and I feel really
bad for him, but I can't feel sympathy for him if he doesn't let me into his
life. You can't want someone to be patient with you and not inform them of
what is going on. And I guess a part of me wanted to end in better then
how I chose to do it. But I can't control everything in my life. He's a great
guy, but just isn't the one that I was meant to be compatible with. I hope
that his home life gets better and I wish him the best of luck. There are no
hard feelings on this end, although my actions this weekend may have
lead people to think that.

There is one thing I find very odd. Brian was friends with Oscar, but for
some reason, Oscar isn't really liked him after we started "dating". I could
never get Oscar to tell me why, but there is something there that I have
missed. I have mentioned that to Brian and Brian seems to think that him
and Oscar are cool. But.......once I heard to be careful with Brian and
realize that his time is limited and this weekend when I told Oscar that we
weren't taking he was like Thank god!! You can do much better.

Good Info

2004-08-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys!
Regardless if you are Democrat or Republic (Comi or Nazi), here are
some facts that everyone should know.

Bush: The Warrior
· 2 - Number of nations George W. Bush has attacked and taken over since coming into office.
· 130 - Approximate number of countries (out of a total of 191 recognized by the United Nations) with a U.S. military presence.
· 10 million - Estimated number of people worldwide who took to the streets in opposition to the invasion of Iraq , setting an all-time record for simultaneous protest.
· $100 billion - Estimated cost of the war in Iraq to U.S. citizens by the end of the year.
· 104 - Number of American combat deaths in Iraq between May 2003 (when Bush landed on an aircraft carrier and declared an end to the open conflict and the middle of October 2003.
· 907 - Number of U.S. deaths in Iraq as of July 26th, 2004.
· 37 - Percentage of Americans who approve of Bush's handling of the situation with Iraq.
· 95 - Percentage of Army Reserve Soldiers in Iraq and other Middle East bases experiencing significant pay problems. Source: GAO report
· What the bipartisan 9/11 commission said on the link between Iraq and Al Qaeda: "We have no credible evidence that Iraq and Al Qaeda cooperated on attacks against the United States."

Bush: The Environment
58 million - Number of acres of public lands Bush has opened to road building, logging, and drilling.
200 - Number of public-health and environmental laws Bush has worked to downgrade or weaken since taking office.
#1 - Rank of U.S. worldwide in terms of greenhouse gas emissions.

Bush: More Like the French Than He Would Care to Admit·
28 - Number of vacation days Bush took in August this year, the second-longest vacation of any president in U.S. history (Record holder: Richard M. Nixon.)
13 - Number of vacation days the average American receives each year.

Bush: Loves to Travel
· 65 - Approximate number of fund-raisers attended in 2002.
· 0 - Number of trips taken to Afghanistan before waging war against that country.
· 0 - Number of trips taken to Iraq before waging war against that country.
· 0 - Number of funerals or memorials Bush has attended for soldiers killed in Iraq.

Bush: Tough On Crime
· #1 - First president to execute a federal prisoner in the last 40 years.
· 8 - Number of days after that first execution that a second federal prisoner was executed.
· #1 - As governor of Texas , executed more prisoners (152) than any governor in modern U.S. history.

Bush: Employment Record
· 2.4 million - Number of Americans who lost their jobs during the first two and half years of the Bush administration.
· 9 million - Number of workers unemployed as of September 2003.
· #1 - The administration is well on its way to being the first since Herbert Hoover's to preside over an overall loss of jobs during its complete term in office.

Bush: Helping the Rich
· #1 - Has assembled the wealthiest Cabinet in U.S. history.
· $10.9 million - Average wealth of the members of Bush's original 16- person Cabinet.
· 75 - Percentage of Americans unaffected by Bush's 2003 cuts in the capital-gains and dividend taxes.
· $42,000 - Average savings members of Bush's Cabinet are expected to receive this year as a result of cuts in capital-gains and dividends taxes.
· $42,228 - Median household income in the U.S. in 2001.
· $116,000 - Amount Vice President Dick Cheney is expected to save each year in taxes.
· 9 - Number of members of Bush's Defense Policy Board who also sit on the corporate board of, or advise, at least one defense contractor.

Bush: Helping the Poor
· 43.6 million - Number of Americans without health insurance as of 2002.
· $300 million - Amount cut in December 2002 from the federal program that provides subsidies to poor families so they can heat their homes during the winter.

Bush: Foreign Relationships
· 35 - Number of countries to which U.S. has suspended military assistance after they failed to sign agreements giving Americans immunity from prosecution before the International Criminal Court.
· #1 - First American president to ignore the Geneva Convention on
warfare (by refusing to allow inspectors access to U.S.-held prisoners of war).

Bush: Public Opinion
· 90 - Percentage of Americans who approved of the way Bush was handling his job as president on September 26th , 2001.
· 67 - Percentage of Americans who approved of the way Bush was handling his job as president on September 26th , 2002.
· 54 - Percentage of Americans who approved of the way Bush was handling his job as president on September 30th , 2003.
· 50 - Percentage of Americans who approved of the way Bush was handling his job as president on October 15th , 2003.

Bush: Money Manager
· $28 billion - Amount of proposed cuts to veterans' benefits in the congressional Republicans' budget resolution for fiscal year 2004.
· $127 billion - Amount of U.S. budget surplus in fiscal year 2001, the last year Clinton was
president.
· $374 billion - Amount of U.S. budget deficit in fiscal year 2003.
· #1 - This year's deficit will be the biggest in U.S. history.
· $7.29 trillion - Current national debt.
· $1.98 billion - Amount on average the national debt increases each day.
· $23,396 - Amount of each citizen's share of the national debt as of October 21, 2003.
· #1 - Record for most bankruptcies filed in a single year (1.57 million) set in 2002.
· #1 - Set record in 2003, for most residential real-estate foreclosures in a one-quarter period.
· 1.6 - Percentage increase in economic growth since Bush took office, the slowest rate of increase over an equivalent period for any administration in 50 years

Arizona, how beautiful!!

2004-08-12T20:04:00.000-07:00

So I've decided that a few days of the year Arizona can be beautiful. Mind
you that I'm feeling sick. HeeHee!! Kidding!! Monsoon Pic 1, Monsoon Pic
2, Monsoon Pic 3 (by the way, my mom is acting
goofy in this one), Monsoon Pic 4.

Even though I have felt like ass today, I saved a few animals from
separation of their mother. There were like half a dozen baby quails that
ran underneath the mini fridge in the patio and my mom, sister and I saved
them and took them to their mom and dad who were having a fit outside
the patio wall. Pic 1 and Pic 2.

Okay, I'm spent. I'm going to shower up and head off to bed. I have to
make it through work tomorrow and head over to Colors for a little dinner.
Come join. You all have my number.

Fun weekend with a baseball game

2004-08-08T19:54:00.000-07:00

Thursday Rupa and I took a trip up to Phx to leave
my car at the Audi dealership to have its 5000 mile service and have a few
quirks fixed. After dropping off the car and getting my loaner we cruised
the strip and checked out my new ride that I will be getting after my lease
is up. I believe that it will be a Touareg. But for shits and giggles I drove a 330Ci
just to make sure that I can live without it. I don't know? Maybe be a toss up.

Since Jose decided to head to Portland to "accompany" Jason back to
San Diego it gave everyone another weekend without his presence. But,
what can one do? DEAL......HAHA

So Friday started out fun. Got off work and and drove back to Phx to pick
up my car from the dealership with Mike as my partner in crime. This time
we came home right away and I stopped by Trevor's to tell him that I had 5
tickets to see the DBacks in action. Don't laugh, I know they suck ass this
season. Then came home to change and meet Trevor, Brian, Jake and
Alicia at Taco Bron to have 2-4-1 Tecates until 10. Then headed over to
Trev's to drink and play card games with the crew. Then around midnight
Brian has a great idea to head over to a hotel lounge and have drinks.
HEEEYY.....it was new and different so off to the hotel on Oracle Rd.
before it bends to pass Pima Downtown. It was Kareoke night and boy
was it fun!!!! After that we headed to one of Brian's friends house to have a
few late night tamales and sober up. After I decided to head home and get
some sleep. I had another busy day in front of me to rest up for.

Saturday Mike and Trevor came over at 11:30 and we headed back to Phx
to see the DBack lose against the Braves. There we picked up Rupa and
headed to the park. It was so much fun. Gracias to "El Tio Alex" for giving
us the tickets to see a game. Win or lose, baseball games are always a
blast. Then we headed back to Tucson and came over to my uncle's
house to eat a great BBQ. YUM!!!! But afterwards I was so damn tired that I
decided to head home and miss out on the fun that was going to be
happening at Trevor's house. Oh well, at least I fed them all before
drinking up for a night.

This leave me with Sunday. What a relaxing day. The only thing that I did
was wash my cars and head to the restaurant that Brian is working at
called Colors. It's a cool little place. Yes it is gay friendly but the drink
specials are good and the food looks like decent. It's tastefully done too.
Not to gay for anyone's taste. They could lose the rainbow flag thing that
they have up on the wall. But all in all, not bad.

So now that it's like 8:45 at night, I'm waiting for my mom and sister to
come back from L.A. and hear all about their trip with Rich. I know that they
saw Sharon Osborne pulling into her home in Beverly Hills. That must
have been a site! LOL.....okie dokie, time for bed.

Night all.

A calm Friday followed by a rough ending.

2004-07-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

A calm Friday followed by a rough ending.
:-D
Jose's Crazy BDAY!!!!!
Happy 4th of July
New Boy.....
Crazy Weekend.
Just when I think I'm getting away, THEY PULL
So I got off work today and dragged Rupa and Brian downtown to check it
out. I'm from Tucson and my downtown experience has been limited to the
TCC, a restaurant and the city court. I decided yesterday after reading an
article in Hispanic Magazine that I should go see what else the cities
culture held down there. The article stated that Tucson was #7 of 10 cities
that hispanics do well in career-wise. It's amazing, because I would have
believed that Phx would have made the list too, but it wasn't even
mentioned. Let me give you al little taste of my culture before I continue
through yesterdays events.

1. Austin
2. Miami
3. San Diego
4. San Antonio
5. El Paso-Las Cruces
6. Albuquerque
7. TUCSON
8. Los Angeles
9. Chicago - MY FAVORITE
10. LAS VEGAS - Viva Las Vegas!!

So anyways, I made the trip downtown and we walked around a bit and
ate at a place called The Grill. Food wasn't bad for what it was. Faux-
Denny's. LOL....But it was an experience that was not bad. After that we
cruised the area and saw one of my drivers that Rupa insisted that she so
and talk to. LOVE IT!!!! Then we walked to a wig store where I tried getting
Rupa to put on a blonde wig. LIL' KIM.....We left Wig-O-Rama and went to
the Indian Trading Village. Saw a few old historical stores like the old
Sears and McCleen's. I may be wrong on the name, but if your a
Tucsonian, you'll know what I meant. It's amazing, I never gave Tucson
much credit for having a history, but it is filled with it and culture. My
parents have a few books on the history of Tucson that make great coffee
table books. It gives you a little incite on what is hidden within this city that
spreading out.

After my downtown experience we headed over to Jose and Kenn's house
to go swimming. LOL.....it ended up being 4 twenty-somethings playing
Marco Polo in the pool. HAHAHA!!! Can you imagine that. Then Trevor
joined us for a few beers with Jose and we ended up the night at Trevor's
house. I did almost fall asleep a few times at T's house. Must have been
the fact that I have been up since 1:40.

So after deciding that I was not going out to the bar with Trevor, I was
taking home Brian. We had had a conversation earlier about the lack of
time that we have been spending and the fact that I was aware of it, but
that I needed to figure a way to come to a solution about it. Him and I
agreed that we needed to work it out and that we both we willing to do so.

So after getting to his house and telling him that I was exhausted and
wanted to go home and get some sleep (being that I haven't been home
ALL day), he blew up and told me that he was tired of it all. That I was
inconsiderate and rude. To top off the fact the he was yelling and cursing
at me......he threw it in my face that he paid for beer and my food and that I
didn't even say thank you and that after doing ALL that today, why I
couldn't just stay at his house. He also threw in the idea that he knew his
house wasn't as nice as mine as if that were EVER going to be a reason to
not stay there.

So after listening to all that, I apologized for not saying thank you and
offered to stay. It's funny how he can forget the times that I have paid for
his bitch ass at the bar or when we've gone to movies or lunch. Or the fact
that it's my car and my gas that we drive around in. Or the fact that I
changed plans of picking my sister up that day and not going to a UPS
lunch that I was supposed to, just to hang out with him.

So after careful consideration about how he reacted with the whole thing,
I've decided that this isn't what I want. If he can't handle my stepping stone
to a career and on top of that school starting this fall, then what is the
reason to stay in this relationship. What my life consist of, being work and
school and family, are my priorities in life. That is what is going to have a
future with me. It's going to build the rest of my life and make myself a life
that I enjoy. Not to mention that when I told him that I had a family BBQ to
go to at my grandparents house Sat, he about threw a tantrum over it.
Sorry.......family ALWAYS comes first. It's the only one that I have and not
all of them will be here for the rest of my life.

:-)

2004-07-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

Work is going well, it's keeping me VERY busy. So much that I've been
bringing my work home. I've been spending a lot of time studying for
different quizzes that the trainer at work has been giving me. They insist
that I be certified to supervise. IMAGINE THAT!!!!! LOL.....

Starting August I have to start punching in and out at work so they can
track my hours and pay me more when I go over 27 hrs a week.

The downfall is that I don't get to spend enough time with my boy. THAT
part sucks!!! I need to try and fix that situation because I don't like it.

Oh well, I better get back to studying. TTYL

Jose's Crazy Birthday

2004-07-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was a great time. Friday night we went out and I
introduced my new boyfriend to some of my friends that haven't meet him.
Apparently Jose is telling everyone that I have been dating for two weeks
and I'm the only one that wasn't aware of it. HaHaHa! Funny!

Saturday was a repeat of another outing with my co-workers. We had a
BBQ at one of the p/t supervisors home on the far southeast side. OMG!! I
might as well have driven to New Mexico. Then I met Trevor at his house
and had a few beers and waited for the guys to get done with Jose's BDay
dinner. Then off to IBT's and watched Jose quickly become intoxicated.
From there we went to a house party where we were the only 7 guys there.
It was the biggest Les fest EVER! And scary ones too!! They stripped
searched us and interrogated us to find out why we were there. Luckily I
saw a driver that I knew and Chris and Tiffany came to our rescue. Jose
made friends with his first nice lesbian ever. For once he wasn't afraid and
didn't want to run away and hide.

The night went one and he made nice with the driver for UPS and loved
her ALL night long. HAHA!!!! Then Derrick cut him off and we ended up
leaving soon after. Jose's BDay was a success!!!

Happy 4th of July

2004-07-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

So after a nice weekend I ended it with a BBQ at my house. The downer to
that was that I had to endure my brother's douche bag friends drunk.
It was a good night overall. People were feed, we drank and had a great
time. I have to thank everyone for making such a good night. And props to
Jose and Kenn who made the most fun cake that I have ever seen.
Tweenkies with frosting in the shape of the American Flag. HAHAHA!!!! It
was a cool cake guys. We ended up with more beer then we needed,
although Mike's friends thought that they could help themselves to it. A
little issue late into the drunken night. We had everyone thrown into the
pool and even got Trevor's ass in there too!! LOL......he just gave up when
everyone came after him, including Mike's friends. HAHA...again.....hope
you have a great time and thanks for coming!!!!!

New Boy

2004-06-30T19:42:00.000-07:00

So after last weekends CRAZYNESS........

I met a cool guy.....kinda nervous, kinda scared and kinda wasn't looking
for a relationship. But as Jose says, just see where it goes.

Other then that, my first week of training as a new supervisor is going
good. Learning new things and getting a little nervous at the fact that I'll be
all on my own next week. WOOHOO!!

And to inform you guys, BBQ 4th of July at my house. Call for directions.

Crazy Weekend

2004-06-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was a bender! I started it off with my fellow managers at
Risky Business at about 1pm. I left at 5:30 to go to Applebee's with Jose
and Trevor. Still drinking!!!! Ack! Then over to Jose where I showered and
went to IBT's. Had a bootie call and then met a cool guy. FIGURES! That
isn't supposed to happen in the same night. I guess I should expect the
unexpected. LOL

Saturday I made it to work barely alive and stayed for a total of 4 hours.
LOL.....I didn't even care if they got mad. FIRE MY ASS!! I'm leaving
anyways! Came home, napped and went to watch Dodgeball with a friend.

LOL....funny ass movie!

Sunday I relaxed and got over my weekend. FINALLY.....a day of doing
absolutely NOTHING!!!!

And now, I'm getting ready for work. WooHoo!!

Just when I think I'm getting away, THEY PULL ME BACK

2004-06-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

So this morning, I found out that I should be starting back in the mornings
beginning Monday. I am being promoted to belt supervisor (all else going
well). I thought I had my fill of morning shifts, but NOOOOOO......it seems
that they have had plans for me to go back all along.
Hmmmm...Interesting! So, I find out for sure tomorrow morning. Cool huh?
I'm very excited! No more late nights during the week. Oh well!

And Rupa, I wrote my letter! Aren't you glad?

Neglecting my blogg......

2004-06-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

Now I know that I have been neglecting to write in my blogg on a
consistent basis. I've just been so damn busy. Or just flat out lazy when I
do have the time. So let me fill you in what been going on since my last
post.

This weekend started out good. Went out, had a blast and got a little tipsy.
WHAT A FUCKIN' SHOCKER. Then I leave the bar and realize that some
jackass keyed my car. Now my first person to blame was some jealous fag
from the bar that can't stand the fact that someone has something nicer
then he. But after thinking about that, I can't prove that and I can't be mean
and say things like that either. It's just rude. Honestly, it could have been
some straight person walking by and seeing a nice car next to the bar and
saying, "Hey, lets key this fags car" (A 2 way street in the name calling,
funny huh?) Or it could have been the pricks that were sitting on my car
when I walked out and told then to "Get the fuck off my car, jackasses!".
Who knows, the damage is done and now it's time to fix it.

So Saturday Jose and I went to Phx to see
a friend and see how his house is coming along. Damn, pretty good!!!
Congrats Nick!!! Jose did some shopping and I just watched and helped
deter him from buying the UGLIEST white pants EVERRRRRR!!!! *
applause!!!* Thank you, Thank you!! *Nick bows* I had been feeling nasty
all day and in the middle of lunch I started shaking and finally came to the
realization that it was going to cost me $3000 to fix my car. *SIDENOTE* I
went to the dealership and got an estimate. But anyway, Jose found it
humorous that I went into shock in the middle of Fashion Square. LOL.....

After that moment I realized that I needed to not bottle in emotions and to
vent normally. HAHA!! But I went back to being normal. Jose and I
checked in the hotel and got ready for Nick's party after the mall. Jose and
I somehow consumed a 12 pack of beer ourselves and continued drinking
afterwards at the bar that everyone went out too.

After the bar we made a mad dash to Jack In The Box and The C*@t*e.
LOL.......

Anyway, the weekend was fun.

AS far as this week, I had an easy Mon and Tue and now for the rest of the
week I'll be busting my ass for some major bills that will be coming up. (2
car payments, Speeding ticket, new cell phone bill, and regular bills too.
Not to mention that I still want to save money so that I can go to L.A. in July
and see my brother and now Mike) But anyways, I'll be busy for most of the
rest of the month and prolly take a financial break from the bar. Anyone
need a DD??? HAHA!! Going to attempt to at least.

By the way.....wish me luck. I have a meeting this week with the Division
Manager with UPS to talk about a potential Supervisor's position. PRAY
that it's in the evening!!!!

White Trash Public Theater

2004-06-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

Last night I had drinks and apps with Amanda and Tiff. With this came a
free show of Cops and $4.29 off our bill to make it an even $20.00. Don't
ask how that happened, that was the work of Tiffany.

So as I arrived at 9:45 at night Amanda and I happened to look outside
and see a little kid playing in the car. After closer inspection we realized
that there was a baby in the car seat too. ODD....one might say. What was
even worse was the the parents were right behind us having drinks or
dinner or something. Now the first thing that came to my mind
was......"WHO THE FUCK LEAVES CHILDREN IN THEIR CAR
ALONE????.......

As kids we were not allowed to play in the car, EVERRRRRR....and I
mean EVER!! If the thought crossed our minds, out asses would get
whipped. After several minutes of pondering what kind of parents do this,
Tiff decides that it is time to go outside and check on these kids. After all,
there has to be some explanation to this, right?

By the time that we got out there, someone was looking in the car at the
kids. NOT THE PARENTS EITHER!!! But some strange man. Then the guy
that was sitting behind us came out, there were some words exchanged,
yelling, running, wife crying, (the whole white trailer park trash opera) then
the next thing we know the strange man is being pulled into a car as he is
yelling that he will find him and kick his ass. Something about never
forgetting a face and I'll be back. OK TERMINATOR! But anyways as we
were about to dial 911 the cops show up. They talk to the parents, and Tiff
and I are back inside watching all this from the comfort of out seats. Then it
occurs the Tiff that the cops were unaware that the kids were alone in the
car. So she goes out and explains the the officer what we saw, which had
nothing to do with the man and the wife and what turned out to be the ex
husband. Classic HUH??

Tiff informed the cop that she works with CPS and wanted to inform him
that the children were all alone for most of the time that we were there
looking and wondering. Funny enough the manager of Applebee's told the
officer that there was no infants at the table when he went and talked to
the couple and the ex husband. (Who by the way caused a scene minutes
before we got there and is the reason that the manager called the cops to
begin with.)

The officer told the mother what one of the customers saw and informed
her that if it were a hot Arizona day and this were to have happened, she
would have been arrested for child abuse. Now here is a silly question.
YOU NEED THE HEAT TO NOT BE ABLE TO LEAVE A INFANT IN THE
CAR???? WHAT A CROCK!!!! Ummm..yea!!!

So this was out night at Applebee's. Plus we got $4.29 off our bill for
participating in a survey that asked of we like the episode of Cops that will
air July 23rd on Fox. LOL.....just kidding, it was if we liked our experience
that night.

We did. And we learned that even parents that drive new Infinitis and
Escalades can be bad parents too!

Fortune Telling

2004-06-08T19:24:00.000-07:00

So today at work I decided that I wanted to analyze the events from this
past weekend. Let me say that after thinking that this weekend was going
to be a bust after some last minute changes, it ended up being a very eye
opening, fun and eventful weekend.

It began with Jose’s change in plans that took him to Hollywood to
accompany our friend Mike. So that left me to change plans and make it
my first weekend home after being gone the prior one in Mexico and being
preoccupied the weekend before that with the visit of Summer.

Friday night was a very INTERESTING night, to say the least. I was
informed by a very gifted individual of events in my future that I should be
concerned with.

1. That I will have the pleasure of having 2 loves in my life, one which I
have already had. HELLO!!!!! Korre! And there was unfinished business
with him.
2. That I should be careful with my health.
3. That temptation is a HUGE factor in my life. LOL…..NO SHIT!!
4. That I must have my health checked for sure at age 32.
5. Finally, that I will come to inherit money in my life

With that said, (mainly #1) I began thinking of the past that I had so well
tucked away. After months of having broken up with Korre, I believed that I
was over him. I was able to talk to him like nothing was wrong and I had
even started to put myself back on the market to enjoy life. Little did I know
that, this was nothing more then my mind playing tricks on me. A few
months ago I get an IM from Korre asking for a ring back that he had given
to me. Granted this ring was nothing more then a cheap candy machine
souvenir, but after asking for that back, my life was flooded with the
realization that I was far from being over him. Emotions came out like a
typhoon in Japan. Then came the realization that all my efforts to go back
to normal were all hindered by the fact that unconsciously I was never
getting anywhere with the dates that I had because I was always thinking
of Korre. But after sending back the ring (Jose forced me to), I forced to
make myself get over Korre and move on with life. WELLLLLL…….not so
much. Friday night I was given these 5 things in current life to consider
and he was there again. Which got me to thinking about him, what I felt,
what I was feeling and what I was going to do about it. As said by Jose.
“Hollywood your dreams can come true”, but unfortunately, I don’t live
there and even if I moved there, I highly doubt that it would change any
events that REALITY will have in store for me. I know that Korre was 1 of
my 2 true loves that I will have in my life. I did feel better knowing that I will
be given another one later on in life. And to be honest, when I met Korre,
falling in love was the last thing on my mind. Guess it’s true, it will happen
when you least expect it. Which only leaves me to give a TRUE closure to
him and I and start on with the rest of my life. There is only one way to
move in life that will get you anywhere productive and that is FORWARD. I
wasn’t to thrilled on knowing that I should be concerned with my health at
age 32 or that I will come into money because that usually happens with
the passing of a family member. But, I can’t worry about things yet to
happen. I can only worry about now, learn from the past and put it to good
use in preparation for the future. This night too I learned some very
interesting facts about my good friend Trevor. But seeing how that deals
with him on a personal level, I will leave that information to those that were
present and Trevor himself. That was my Friday. Turned to be a good one
if I don’t say so myself.

Now Saturday night was fun due to the fact that it consisted of the reuniting
of some old friends that I hardly ever get to spend time with. That would be
Jake and Pete. 2 buds that I have spend countless summers getting drunk
with and just being the guys. The only absence that would have made it a
perfect night would have been Jose, Amanda and Mike. But, the guys
were in Cali and Amanda was one a date. Ooohhh la la!! You go girl!!
HAHAHA! Another successful night of pure silliness and fun. P.S. This
night was part 2 of Nick and Rupa’s kissing adventures. And NO, We
didn’t kiss. But we are kissing whores! HA! Plus, it was Jake's first night
EVER at IBT's. LOL, Trevor took good care of him.

Now Sunday which normally is left for recooping from a weekend like this
was actually John’s Day. An old friend relocated to ATL for the
continuation of his education. That was a mellow night, but I did get to talk
about Korre a lot which helped me feel better about what I should expect
the future guys in my life to treat me like and what qualities I should expect
them to have if there is going to be a future past just a few weeks.

My final thoughts to this night were about friends. I have had 3 good
friends get mad at me for 3 different reasons. So I began thinking. What is
the definition of a good friend? Is it someone that knows that your birthday
is in March, Dec, July or Aug? Is it someone that knows that your allergic
to pineapple or hates onions or pickles in your hamburger? Is it someone
that is there to comfort you after you get your heat broken again by the one
person in your life that can do that over and over again, EVEN after being
warned that this will happen? Is it someone that calls you everyday even if
there is nothing interesting to talk about even if there is a lack of time to
permit the call? Is it someone that comes over to be there to take a
pregnancy test for the first time or the fifth time since you have known
them. Is it someone that calls you constantly while on vacation just to hear
your voice and feel missed and special? Or someone that brings you
home a little gift from a far away place the s/he just visited? Or is it the
person that tells you EVERYTHING in their life just to let you feel closer to
them? Or is it the person that acts least selfish in your life? Or the person
that offers to pay for things when your short on cash? Or the person that
brings you lunch to work because they enjoy doing it? Or is it the person
that shows up first when you make that scary call telling those close to you
that you are HIV+? I believe after much thinking that any combination of
these makes a good friend. Even those who can’t get them all right or
remember everything is a good friend. Friends aren’t perfect, they are
flawed just like us and allowed to be forgetful, to be selfish, to be
inconsiderate, dorky, slutty, or any human quality that is negative. They
are people too and people cannot be perfect. So you can’t define a good
friend in general terms, that is left to the individual person to decide what
s/he feels is good enough to be called a “Good Friend”. I am blessed
enough to have several, they know who they are and I appreciate them
with flaws and all. After all, I’m not perfect, why should I expect them to be.

In closing to what seems to be the LONGEST blog ever, I have found out
the world is filled with lots of caring people. On the drive home from Jose’s
house Sunday I get a call from Trevor to join him on his last night drinking
on a Sunday due to classes. Which I had to decline because I had to work
early and I had already fallen asleep once at Jose’s house. But it seems
that he has recruited his friends to join me in getting tested for any STD’s
that all sexually active people should do on a regular basis. LOL…..its
funny when his friends get on the phone like cheerleaders and rally up the
troops to form a “Let’s Get Tested Day” HAHAHA!!! I found it funny.

San Carlos

2004-05-31T18:15:00.000-07:00

So I have learned a lot of my friends over the
So I just got back from a mini vacation. San Carlos, Mexico. I have been
going there for the past 25 years for this weekend. It is the one weekend a
year that my ENTIRE family from both Tucson and Nogales get together
and drink, joke and eat together. This year I almost missed it because of
my new job with UPS. And at one point, I was so just melancholy about
life, I considered not going. But after being convinced by my cousin to go, I
did and I had the BEST time the world. Fri was a mellow day because I
had to make "the call" back home to inform my boss that I would not make
it into work that day. And I wasn't lieing, I wasn't able to make it in. I had
been kidnapped by my grandparents held at cookie-point and forced to
go. LOL as if my grandfather would EVER own a gun.

Now Sat was my day. I drank all my worries away, called a few close
friends DRUNK off my ass and enjoyed the day. Spent the entire afternoon
in the ocean drinking with my parents, aunts and uncles and of course, the
floating ice chest. Let's just say that it will be a while before this little boy
drinks XX again. Then for happy hour I went with the guys to drink the
famous margaritas that have no tequila or mescal but, some shit that will
knock you off your feet. And that it did. Luckily, I remembered that
everyone last year was half dead so, I chose to take one for the team and
not finish my drink. I stumbled to my room where I took a 3 hour nap. I
awoke to the smell if cane asada being grilled and I rose from my power
nap. Now at this point, I looked for everyone that was at the bar and
realized that they were dead in their bed. HAHA....but I woke them, and
told them that if I had to get my ass up to eat and get dressed for the
DISCOTECA, they would have to do the same. I went out with all my
cousins and enjoyed the night. A few beers, and I do mean a few, and a
cig or 3 and we came home about 2.

Sun was an interesting day. Half of the crew had heat stroke from drinking
in the ocean and the other half had upset stomachs for stuffing their faces
all day. LOL, I had a few beers and relaxed and nursed my sunburn (i say
it in single tense because my ENTIRE body is burnt). I guess I do have to
wear sunscreen like everyone else. Then at the last minute, everyone
wanted to go ride the banana boat. So off we went to HOJO's (Howard
Johnson's) and we rode the waves. Now let me tell you, I got stuck with a
larger of the fam, so I was almost bounced off a few times. This explains
why my arms are sore for holding on for dear life and my legs are sore for
clamping on the the boat. HAHAHA!!! Then off to have a drink at the bar. It
was GREAT to have a Absolute tonic. Went town like a CHAMP!

Then Mon came and we packed everything up and drove home. We
stopped in Santa Ana's toll and ate at a tacito stand. YUM!!!! Then off to
Tucson we headed. The trip on the way back took longer then 5 hours, but
we did stop to eat and wait like 45 mins at the boarder to cross back to the
good ol' US of A. AHHH...what a weekend. It's good to be home, good to
get back on with life and good to be back to normal.

Quotes

2004-05-24T18:13:00.000-07:00

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back, maybe you have to let
go who you were to become who you will be.

When your young your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you
grow up and learn to be cautious. You can break a bone or a heart, you
look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's
not always someone there to catch you. And in life there is no safety net.
When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

- Carrie B.

People come into your life

2004-05-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

So I have learned a lot of my friends over the past few weeks. I'm one
lucky guy to say that I have so many that I can count on. Come the end of
every semester I go through this stage of melancholy. I for one semester I
can say that I don't feel this way. The odd thing is that I look around and I
see everyone else feeling this way. At the moment that you should be
happy for those that have just graduated, your saddened to see them
leave and begin new lives away from you. I know how this feels, I've had
to go through this a few times to many.

But I have learned one VERY important thing. People come into your life
for one reason or another. You may never know what it is until they are no
longer around. For this one reason, I "try" to get to know everyone very
well because you may never know when they are to leave you. Enjoy their
company while you have it and take advantage of being around them. If
they are good friends you should always try and spend time with them.
And for no other reason then the fact that what if your the one to leave this
earth unexpectedly you want to have had all the time available that you
could have had with them. Life is to short to have "what if's". You should
always let you friends know how important they are to you.

In the society of ours, I believe that sometimes we are shown at a young
age to hide our feelings. I know that sometimes I can be this way. Last
night I saw a friends saddened over one of our other friends getting ready
to pack up and leave. It made me think that one day too he will leave this
town. At that point I told him that I loved him with all my heart. He is a dear
friend and that I valued him so much. I couldn't imagine life with out him. I
know that it can sound corny, but who cares. That fact of the matter is that
no one should be afraid to show and express their feelings. Especially
those that are close to your heart.

Men......

2004-05-19T17:56:00.000-07:00

Wow....it's 9:30 and I can't believe that I am up. After a long night of
drinking, I should feel more like shit. Maybe I shouldn't complain. Last
night was a random eventful night. But, it proved one thing, there are those
friends that I can just randomly show up to, spill my guts to and they can
help me drink the worries away. NOTE: Headache is here! LOL.....I take
that first comment back!

I have come to a decision. No matter how well you know them or whether
it's done intentionally or not, all men WILL let you down. It's a proven fact.
As I look around I can't say that I know of anyone gay or straight that's in a
healthy relationship with a guy. Which scares me because it leaves no
hope to find the right guy. On the other hand, maybe your quest in life isn't
to find Mr. Right, maybe it's just to find Mr. Right Now You Make Me
Happy, and learn to settle. I don't know. This is my only explanation. I can't
place the blame on just gay men. That's not fair or correct. But it seems
that we as men are the problem. Not that I want to become a lesbian or
anything. LOL.....GOD NO!!!

So now I'm taking a different approach to life. Men will come in and out of
your life. Enjoy the time you have with them but always keep your bag
packed and ready to go a moments notice. Like being in a hotel for an
extended period of time and never unpacking. Just leaving the bag at the
door to grab and leave when you have to.

This is my only explanation.

Oh well.....like Rupa and I have decided, La Vida Es Un Carnival. If you
know the song, it's words to live by. Your better off singing then crying in
life.

Now it looks like I will have more time to focus on building up my bank
account. AND I SHALL!!!! LOL

No comment on this post.........

2004-05-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

Hey!!! Well, there is not much to say right now. Tiffany is being a bitch and
is very close to losing her best relationship EVER. Including that of her "tobe
fiance". But what can I do? It's very draining to always try to be the one
to save relationships and I have decided that in her absence over the past
2 years that I will let time and God decide what is to happen to us. It's sad
and I have had the worst ups and downs over this part of my life. But I
know that I can never forget the good times and those will be the times that
I will always remember and cherish in memory of her. No more wasted
emotions over things that I can not control. Everyone is brought into and
out my life for a reason. What that reason is I have no idea, but it's part of a
bigger picture in the very short years that I have lived a great and
wonderful life.

On a better not, I have to tell everyone that my grandfather doesn't have
cancer. THANK GOD!!!!! What was thought to have been lung cancer is
actually Valley Fever. Which makes me not want to smoke anymore. So to
all those out there that see me on a weekly basis, make sure that I don't
start chain smoking at the bar. Let me have just a few. HEEHEE!!!

And what else I'd like to announce is that I am "officially" dating one of the
best and most important people in my life. I am very happy and thankful for
this relationship!! :-)

*KISS* :-* That is for you Jose Luis!!!!!!

Then, on continuation of a good note, Summer will be here visiting May
22-27. All of you who have heard of the infamous Summer will have the
opportunity to meet one of the most influential women that I have met
since college. Everyone behave. And to all the gay boys that are
fascinated by breasts, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THESE!!!!!! NOOO
TOUCHING!!!! P.S. Rupa doesn't like it either!! BEHAVE DAMNIT!!!!

Summer is a comin'!

2004-05-06T17:52:00.000-07:00

So, now that I can breath let me begin by saying hello! How are you all?
Let me tell you what is new in my life. Still working for UPS, but no longer
on the a.m. shift. Now I work at nights from 5:30-9ish. Not bad because I
can always leave early if I have to. The job is a little more physical, so I will
be sportin a new bod by the end of the summer. Speaking of.......

Summer is coming into town. WOOHOO!!! I can't believe that I haven't seen
her in such a long time. She is GREAT!!! I can't even begin to explain. We
are like 1. It's amazing, after all this time, its like she was just away for the
weekend.

I bought a new car. A metallic dark maroon Audi A4. It's a great car and
much better the BMW I had. Unless were talking convertibles here. That's
a different story. HAHA!

So last night was the first time I participated in Dead Night in a year.
Gentle Ben's. Well, I was the one to crack first from the over Von Dutched
wanna be frat boys and the walking Paris Hilton look-alikes. Was it always
that bad? Maybe it was that I was more drunk at the bar past times and I
was younger and less mature. None the less I had a good time.

Then a quick trip to IBT's where I saw "little Scott" get super drunk. HAHA!!
We ended up taking care of him. It was funny. It was nice that I was able to
return the favor since he still was talking to me after the first time I met him.
HAHAHAHA!!! You all know what I mean.

Other then that, I believe that has been my past 2 weeks.

Well almost, but I'll save that for later. :-D

Almost done!!!

2004-05-05T17:52:00.000-07:00

Once finals are over, I promise to get back to ya all'!!! Busy as hell and so
much to tell. Thank god it's DEAD NIGHT!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!

Hump Day

2004-04-27T17:47:00.000-07:00

So it's almost Wed, hump day. I have my account project due Thurs,
(AGAIN) and then I'm free until finals. I am looking forward to Dead Day
because I have taken Thursday off and will be enjoying Dead night for the
first time in over a year. What's exciting is that the last time I went out for
this event, it was with Jose. And guess who will be there this time (whether
you like it or not), you guessed it, Jose. LOL.......Dead Day, my tradition of
college. I have only missed two semesters. LOL........So now about what
else is current with my life, lets see......socially I am doing well. That is
never effected, my love life is a mess. Well, not a mess, but trying to get it
started, I fell on my face. But I have been so damn busy, I don't have time
to really worry about it. Although, my feeling haven't changed, I just don't
have time to express them. And I have to admit, expressing my feelings
have been one of the hardest things to do, but one of the MOST rewarding
ones ever. I never want to hold back again. My friendship with Tiff is in the
gutter, and honestly, I don't know if I want to let it out. Maybe it's time to let
it go down the drain and see if it comes back. That's is the sign of true
friends. Rupa and Amanda are in limbo. Don't know what to think about
that. And I found out that my grandfather has darken lungs. Kinda scary,
this makes me wanna not smoke anymore. Good thing that I can't smoke
in my car anymore. That with cutting back on my drinking, will reduce my
smoking too. So that is my life, full of things to take up my time. Can't wait
till summer starts, I need to save some money, find a house near campus
and MIGHT GET A NEW CAR.

Yeah, that too.......got a great deal on a new car. A 2004 Audi A4 Quattro
1.8T. It's a sweet ride. So lets hope that all goes well. *CROSS FINGERS*

Off to do my homework. Now at the end of the semester is when I feel like
doing it. A little late I'd say.

HAhAHA!!!

Preparing for a stressful night

2004-04-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

So much has been happening this past week I don't even know where to
begin. Uuummmmmm............let's start with last weekend. In dread of a
Tiffany's social gathering for her graduation, I began drinking at North at 6
with my parents. 3 vodka tonics later it was time to hit the street for Tiff's
party. Now at this point, I was beginning to be buzzed and I hadn't eaten.
But after getting to the place where we were going to drink all night, I
began pounding the beer like it was my last night on this earth. Several
hours later, I as plastered! I mean serious BENDER there. I was talking to
EVERYONE and apparently spilling the beans on a few personal items
that I should have left out. Ahhhh...SUCH is life, right? So anyway, Jose
and I left the restaurant and headed to the bar where I puked my brains
out and had to be taken home. I think that was my shortest visit EVER!!! 5
mins max. But that night, as I tried to avoid conflict, I made it worse.
Tiffany's feelings were hurt because I didn't go with that after the restaurant
to some random bar. MY ANSWER: GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!

Then Sat. night we went out and I played DD, seeing how I was driven the
night before, I should only return the favor to those who had to put up with
my drunk ass the night before. It was this night that I got the balls to let
someone in on a HUGE secret of mine. The person it involved. Now most
of you that will read this will know EXACTLY what and who I am talking
about. EEhhhhhhh............*sigh*, that's my answer. I guess there are
something you should NEVER tell others. Not that there was a bad
reaction to this at all. Just not the reaction I had hoped for.

So this week at school has been all about exams, papers and projects. I
get the feeling that school is starting to whined down. And so quickly, I'm
not ready for it to end. There so much more left to do!!! AHHHHH!!!! Plus,
working at UPS isn't making it easier to get school work done. I mean, I
have been doing it, but I'm non stop tired every break that I have.

So anyway, back to the SECRET........which isn't a secret at all. LOL....as a
matter of fact, everyone that I drunkenly told about it thought it was sweet.
Which wasn't what I expected. I thought everyone would have pointed out
what could go wrong, but they haven't. APPARENTLY, it's cute?!?!

Now it's Thursday, I'm going to finish my project today for Accounting and
then come home and sleep. This weekend, I work at Circuit Shitty and Fri,
Sat and Sun. WOW.......GOD help me. 3 days at that hell hole. AHHH!!!! I'd
rather naw my arm off. But it's free money. Money that I get to save after a
month of benders at the bar. LOL.....making money makes it easier to
spend it. Something about liking to spend *BLING BLING*

So that has been my week. My emotions have been high, my stress has
been outta control and I find myself ALWAYS sleepy. To the point that in a
45-60 min nap I drempt and woke up crying. Guess my body is trying to tell
me to slow it down. Oh well, maybe this weekend will be a somewhat quiet
one. No hard drinking, just a social person. I have shit to do and places to
be. HAHA

Lyrics with meaning

2004-04-18T17:35:00.000-07:00

3 songs that I read the lyrics to and I really liked.

I'm just a simple girl
In a high tech digital world
I really try to understand
All the powers that rule this land
They say Miss J's big butt is boss
Kate Moss can't find a job
In a world of post modern fad
What was good now is bad

It's not hard to understand
Just follow this simple plan

Follow your heart
Your intuition
It will lead you in the right direction
Let go of your mind
Your Intuition
Is easy to find
Just follow your heart baby

Follow your heart
If you want me let me know
I promise I won't say no

If you want me let me know
I promise I won't say no

Follow your heart
Your intuition
It will lead you in the right direction
Let go of your mind
Your Intuition
Is easy to find
Just follow your heart baby

You got something that you wantin' me to sell
Sell your sin
Just cash in
You got something that you wantin' me to tell
You'll love me
Wait and see

If you want me
Don't play games
I promise
It won't be in vain
Uh, uh, uh

Follow your heart
Your intuition
It will lead you in the right direction
Let go of your mind
Your Intuition
Is easy to find
Just follow your heart baby

Just follow your heart
Your intuition
It will lead you in the right direction
Let go of your mind
Your Intuition
Makes it easy to find
Just follow your heart baby

Your intuition
It will lead you in the right direction
Let go of your mind
Your Intuition
Is easy to find
Just follow your heart baby
***********************************************
Baby, can’t you see
I’m calling
A guy like you
Should wear a warning
It’s dangerous
I’m fallin’

There’s no escape
I can’t wait
I need a hit
Baby, give me it
You’re dangerous
I’m lovin’ it

Too high
Can’t come down
Losing my head
Spinning ‘round and ‘round
Do you feel me now

With a taste of your lips
I’m on a ride

You’re toxic
I’m slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic
And I love what you do
Don’t you know that you’re toxic

It’s getting late
To give you up
I took a sip
From my devil cup
Slowly
It’s taking over me

Too high
Can’t come down
It’s in the air
And it’s all around
Can you feel me now

With a taste of your lips
I’m on a ride
You’re toxic
I’m slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic
And I love what you do
Don’t you know that you’re toxic

Don't you know that you're toxic

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic
I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic

Intoxicate me now
With your lovin' now
I think I'm ready now
I think I'm ready now
Intoxicate me now
With your lovin' now
I'm ready now
**************************************************
Notice me
Take my hand

Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

Music.......

2004-04-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away with me where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows
knee high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountain top
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

**As one door closes, a window is open to a GREAT future. It's just a
matter of trusting your intuition or playing it safe? But where does playing it
safe get you? Life is all about chances and the wonder opportunities that it
may lead to.

The drama of close friends

2004-04-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

Well today has been an interesting day. Amanda and I have taken care of some of the issues that have been underlying between us. I hope that she can with Rupa too, in all reality Rupa is a nice girl and its not worth holding grudges. But, I believe that most of what has been causing strain is on it's way to being fixed.

Talked to Shana today. It was great to talk to her. If there is one thing I can count on, is her understanding some of my issues that I have. This is WHY I LOVE HER! Shana and Kelly are the 2 girls that are most like me in personality and the ones that EVEN AFTER going away for over a year, we can pick up and start where we left off. It helps that we have so much in common too. What is wired is that even after coming out, were all the same. Just different states. Plus, I still have a thing for the Jew too!!! Then, I talked to Tiff today. It was kinda a downer conversation. But it ended neither good or bad. To give you a synopsis of a situation, shortly after coming out, I was over at their house. This is a rare thing because after she started her master's program Tiff and Chris were hardly seen. Due to the intense program and shortage of funds. But on said occasion, I was informing Tiff of what has been happening in my life. After all, she has always played an important role in my life I figured that she should know. During this conversation Chris had mentioned to me that his grandmother was sick. I guess that I didn't hear this and continued on with my conversation. A few weeks later she approached me and mentioned the incident and how she felt that I was a little selfish. *This being a new trait of mine* So I apologized and said that I was sorry that I didn't show more
compassion towards Chris' feelings. End of story so I thought. I did think that it was a little petty, but apologized anyway. She had me convinced that I did offend them. VALID FEELING..

Almost a year later, if not more, Amanda and I have a sort of falling out. And during the recovery conversation she mentioned that she had gone to Tiff for some venting. Which, is ok. Tiff is normally a GREAT person to go to for advice. In said conversation, Tiff mentioned that since coming out, I have "become more self involved". And gave the example from Chris'
grandmother. When Amanda explained this to me, I felt a little hurt. My best friends from HS still thinks that I am acting selfish/self involved. I talked to Tiff and asked her and she said that yes, she feels that I have "become somewhat self involved" but that it wasn't an issue enough to say anything to me. Plus, with all that I have been experiencing over the past year, it was part of my change. That our relationship had changed. I understand that I have changed. That goes without saying. I have always tried to treat my old friends the same at I had prior and have treated my new friends how I have treated my old friends. Now, I am not normally a person to seek approval from others, but this really was bothering me. So I asked some of my friends old and new, those that I have made since being gay and those that have seen me through the change both active and passive roles. And they all have said that I am one of the most unselfish people they know. That I show compassion and love and selflessness all the time. I also was told that part of the problem is that I try to hard to mix my gay and straight friends to much. As much as I need to keep them all, I need to stop trying to mixing them together. That is it VERY normal to separate them and that they need to understand that my "new lifestyle" of mine takes priority over my old one. I'm not the same Nick 100% from before. They also said that Tiff's comment is skewed because she has had a more passive role since my coming out. Most my gay friends don't even know her. And it's based on the limited time that I have spent with her and the limited time that she has seen me out in my new lifestyle. If Tiff had spent more time out with me over the past year, she most likely have a differnt opinion. Those that have been there for the longest and have left the state, that have been in communication over phone and email have said that some of this was coming. Certain people haven't changed and the same cycle is repeating itself. My conversation was all to familiar, they remember it the
first time around. So I guess even though I'm sad that Tiff believes this about me, but I guess
I have to believe those that play a more active role in my life. As much as Tiff will always be there for me, until she sees me in action on a regular basis, she will have a limited idea of what I really am like. And little incidents will still make more of an impact because she sees a small part that might happen to have the flaw, and less of the BIG picture that will let the more important things shine out and make the petty things seem petty.

2004-04-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

This weekend had to many aspects to write about one. But how many times must you prove to someone that they are important in your life? I guess over and over until they finally believe you.

Damn, it can be a little exhausting. I guess yesterday was Easter Sunday. Huh....it seemed to go
right over me. Back to the routine of work and school. FUN!

P.S. I can dance. I found this out this weekend. Cool huh? That explains the sore lower body. Or does it? HAHA!! By the way, anyone know if we were supposed to bring Chris back to the house to pick up his car? I don't remember that part?!?!

Someone save me!

2004-04-07T17:15:00.000-07:00

I think that I somehow entered the realm of I need a boyfriend. Don't ask me when or how I got here. But I'm here. It sucks! Now to find my way out!

On another note, what is it about my brother that prevents him from flushing the toilet after he pees? Is he saving it for some reason? It's so nasty to walk into the bathroom and see the UN-flushed toilet! What an F!!

Also, I'm exhausted from work. It's kicking my ass! As usual, I have homwork piling up too! Guess what I'll be doing after work and before school toady! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Another great Fri night with the buds.

2004-04-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

All I have to say is that Friday night was awesome!!!! I hung out with all my close friends and had a GREAT time. So much fun that Saturday night couldn't have been anywhere as close as fun.

Maybe it was the hangover....COUUULLDD BE?

And Jose and Rupa are becoming very good friends, friends are very important. Make as many as possible, life is to short to not make the most out of it.

Night all!

P.S. I don't think that brothers and sisters should be all touchy-feely with each other. Maybe that's the problem that Trevor has with Natalie. "Keeping it in the Family" LOL

2004-03-31T20:35:00.000-07:00

Nothing exciting happened today. Blah! Sorry guys, maybe after this weekend I'll have a shit load to tell ya! EL TIO ALEX is coming home! Booze it up with fam!

Nick Bradshaw and "The Dinner"

2004-03-30T20:29:00.000-07:00

So I have been told that my writing style has changed over the passed few weeks. My answer to that, FUCK YOU! LOL…..I don’t think so. There are just different syles of writing and I’m sure that no one owns the rights to any!

By the way Amanda, the marrying a gay man, BORROWED!!! I just saw that today! HA! I’m glad to say that I’ve gone 4 days without smoking. I kinda like this, and I don’t think I wanna start again. I’ve had several cravings the past few days. Usually when I’m driving is when I get them.

OK, reminder!!!!!
April 9th is the dinner, unless said otherwise. So I haven’t spent much time thinking of what to do for the dinner other then steaks. I’M A BOY!!! I SHOULDN’T have to put much thought into this, that’s why I have Amanda around. HEELLLLLOO!!! HAHA! Any suggestions? Let me know! And of course, any of the usual crowd that I don’t have numbers for, your invited to! So just come!

Mars vs. Venus?

2004-03-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

So there is a legend stating that men have a higher sex drive then women. After much debate, I would have to say that I disagree. Today at work, I was listening to a co-worker talk about her sex life. Now granted she is a lesbian and that is what got me thinking. I don’t think that men or women differ in levels of sexual tension and/or drive. I believe that women take care of it in different ways. Men of course are horn dogs. There is NO denying that. Even if I tried I couldn’t say that without a straight face. It’s true, why deny it. Being a member of the gay community, I have to admit, IT’S WAY more present within gay men. Not to say that straight men are less horny. They are just as bad! Go to any bar on a weekend and you’ll see guys trying their hardest to sack a girl. But in reality, mixing ALL men in a place, created a very STRONG testosterone level. At least in a straight bar, there is a 40% mix of estrogen to calm the guys down. Unless your at Dirtbags where you see the women SCREAM sex! Trust me, I was there this Saturday. LOL The last two women that I have dated had a HIGH sex drive, if not higher
then mine. Which says a lot because usually, I’m always ready for it. LOL…….And after hearing conversations with their close friends, I have come to the realization that they are just as horny too. Lesbian or straight, women have just as high as sex drive as men. Which lead me to my question…………Why were men labeled sex pigs? The only reasoning that I could think of is that over time, as it became inappropriate for women to be promiscuous, they have discovered ways to hide their drive and keep it out of the public eye. Unlike men, who have no problem keeping it in the open. So there is my random thought of the day. Sorry to all my gay readers that might find this topic a little disgusting. LOL……get over it, it’s just sex!

Last Cry

2004-03-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

LOVE....... and what we go through when we lose it from someone. Last night, in my own personal hell that I had created, I hit a milestone in getting over the last LOVE. When I got to Jose's house, shaken and saddened, I gave him the keys to my car and asked him to get the “ring” out. I couldn’t get myself to give it to him. It’s amazing what your body does in reaction to personal trauma. I felt nauseous and dizzy. Over what? A ring. It’s amazing what value we put on material items. This little ring symbolized closure to something I didn’t want closure in. The last hope, the final chance. But, in all reality, their ring wasn’t going to bring anyone back. After Jose took the ring, I hung my head trying to fight back tears. I would say that I should get an A for affort, I made it though most the night at the apartment without a tear. But the last
10 mins. I couldn’t do it anymore and I ran outside and had my last cig and let it all out. Crying actually makes you feel better. I could have done without the dry heaving, but you take what you can, right?

So off to the bar we went where I proceeded to have a good time, and after a couple of drinks and a few shots, I was my old self. Or, as old self as I could get. We checked out boys and compared tastes. LOL……what better was to get over someone, then to see what other fish this little pond had to offer. Honestly, not much, but it’s a start. To help get you through any tough situation all you need are really good friends. A hug and a kiss will work wonders from friends, and it helps to fall asleep next to someone that you know you can ask for a hug in the middle of the night to make you feel like you still have a little self worth. If I haven’t said it enough, THANK YOU GUYS for being there. I will always be there for you.

2004-03-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

It’s funny how life is. Just when you think that you’ve rid your closet of ALL skeletons, or at least relationship related ones, there is always something you leave behind. Under your Nike’s or the Prada bag, there was a piece left behind. Why is this? Was I afraid to get rid of all pieces of the skeleton? Today was my first and hopefully last hit with this reality. Let me just recap
what this little skeleton of mine dealt with. So I was dating this guy named Korre this past summer. Now, I was well aware of the idea that he was leaving to Paris. But this particular
relationship escaladed much quicker and deeply then any previous. Before I know it, I was in LOVE……four words that I have dreaded ever since. Now, Korre was the one that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We talked about life, kids, our life, us….the usually SHIT! I know that sounds stupid, because everyone says that when they are dating. But I don’t. There are many times that I have dated someone and knew that is was just companionship. Nothing more. When I dated Chris, I knew that it was not a life thing. When it ended, I wasn’t ready for that. But, that situation was different. I knew deep in my heart that he was not it. So, today as I took the ring out and looked at it I realized………..this is it. The one thing I have never allowed myself to face. THE END….this was the last bone to his skeleton. I cried……and listen to the one song that that reminds me of him. It hurt bad……..it hurt worse then when we first called it
quits, only because there would no longer be any connection between us. It was done. Then out of nowhere, I thought of my last day with him and realized that I never said bye to him as I got out of the car and left to the plane. I didn’t say goodbye because I thought that I would always see him again. I was afraid to say goodbye and now I regret it. It’s hard for me to say that I have regrets. I consider things that most people regret as learning mistakes. Not this time. My first regret. Poor Jose tried to make me feel better and tell me that he was in the same
situation and I blew him off. I couldn’t bear to listen to him say that Korre had moved on and after all this time that I believe that I had, I hadn’t. AND IT SUCKED!!!!! Denial…….something I have mastered these past few years. I have realized that ever since this summer I have never let anyone get close to me in fear that I might have to go through that again. I have done it to every guy that I have talked to or gone out on a date with. WHY???? Why didn’t I see those signs? And why didn’t my friends see it? If they did why didn’t they say anything? Or had they? Was I that thick headed to not listen to them? Then I looked at my current situation with the “new” Chris. After realizing what had been going through my head, did I actually feel anything for him? Or was this a LONG DRAWN out rebound? I don’t know. But the same fear that I have had with every other guy just came into my head. Did I actually like him? Part of me says that I did and part of me says, sorry buddy, your still in rebound mode and your taking the first guy that you can. So as I sadly say this, in hope that this isn’t’ another regret. I’m pulling my card out of the race and calling it quits. How am I going to try and start another relationship when the last one isn’t gone. I sit here crying wondering what I am doing. Why do I think that the quit card is the right choice. I don’t know. But after the emotional stress that I have been
through in the past few hours, I don’t want to date. And days, months, or years later I may look back and see that I shouldn't have done this. That I should tried and see what could come of it. But with all this confusion in my head, I better not. So all you boys out there…………he’s yours. UGH!!!

FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!
Jumping head first again! My signature dive. Oh well. I better sleep this off so that I can get to the weekend faster. Guess what I plan on doing? Take a hint. I’d much rather be around those that love me and I know will always be there, through thick and thin. Ohhh……and in case there was any question, Friday night was GREAT! I felt good and special, and I haven’t in a long time.

:-)